


Looks

by legallyblained



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 15:53:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2030994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legallyblained/pseuds/legallyblained
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Blaine suffer a devastating loss and try to put their lives back together. Warnings for upsetting themes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They sat in silence for the entire drive home. They both knew that if they tried to say anything, it would all sink in. They would have to come to terms with what had happened, and they just weren’t ready.

Kurt headed straight upstairs towards his office, avoiding eye contact with Blaine.

“Where are you going?” Blaine’s voice was shaky. The words that normally came so easily to him just weren’t there. It was as if Kurt would shatter if he touched him, and he’s lost enough already. Everything seemed so fragile, but all he wanted to do was sit with him and cry. He knew that they both needed to just feel this, but he couldn’t bear to pull Kurt down like that. He hated seeing Kurt cry even when it was fixable, but this time there was nothing he could say.

“I just… I need to do something. Anything. I can’t keep thinking about it. Maybe if I just do some sketches… and I’ve got a tonne of paperwork to sort out. I can’t just wallow, OK? It’ll only make things worse. I just have to distract myself, and it’ll be fine.” He knew he wasn’t convincing Blaine, just as he knew he wasn’t convincing himself. He finally let himself bring his eyes up from the floor to look his husband in the eyes. His guard came down for a second when he saw the sadness in Blaine’s eyes, mixed with that look he’d seen so many times, that ‘please tell me what I can do to make this OK’ look. He quickly took in a faltering breath and looked away, half-running, half-staggering up the stairs, slamming his office door behind him.

Blaine’s head fell. He grabbed onto the doorframe, scared of falling to the floor in a heap if he didn’t have some kind of support. It was a kind of pain he’d never felt before. How could he miss something so much when he’d never really had it in the first place? Trembling, he took once last look at the office door, which was still closed, and turned towards the living room. He perched carefully on the sofa, staring at the floor, his hands clasped tightly together, and his breathing gradually got heavier. With every breath, he rocked back and forth, folding his arms across his chest, until there was nothing left to do but cry. He stopped rocking, and proceeded to knead his forehead with his knuckles, as some kind of way of regaining his reserve. It felt wrong that Kurt wasn’t sitting there too. He couldn’t feel this properly on his own.

It was just as he was thinking this that he felt a hand on his shoulder. Kurt’s eyes were glistening.

“I miss her.”

Blaine placed his hand on top of Kurt’s, looking straight into his eyes so that Kurt couldn’t look away. All he could do was nod.

“I know it wasn’t even a ‘her’ yet, but I couldn’t help picturing it. For some reason I always felt like it was a girl.” Blaine nodded again, his lips clasped tightly together, determined to let Kurt finish. He was afraid to interrupt in case he closed off again. He took Kurt’s other hand from his side and pulled him until they were sitting together. Kurt went on.

“It’s just so unfair”, he whimpered, knowing how childish he sounded, but also knowing Blaine wouldn’t care, “I mean, this isn’t the same as losing anyone else. You at least have memories to hold onto, but-“, he let out a sob, and Blaine put his hand on his face. His hand was soft, but his grip was firm so that Kurt knew he could be strong for him, despite the tear rolling down his cheek.

“But we’ve got nothing. We didn’t get to see her, or hold her, anything. We’ll never know what she smelt like. I’d been picturing it for so long-“

“I know. I know.” Blaine had never felt so helpless.

“I was actually looking forward to the 3am feeds, and the constant screaming, and the stupid little things, like taking her to the park, and to school, and just a look between us. That look my parents used to get when they were with me, so proud, that little ‘this is ours; I can’t believe how lucky we are’ look. Like as long as our family was together, nothing could hurt them. Nothing could ever go wrong. I just… God…” He was sobbing now, and he put his forehead against Blaine’s. They sat in silence, aside from the occasional gasp for air.

Blaine put an arm around Kurt, pulling his head into the crook of his neck. He rested his own head on Kurt’s hair, and felt Kurt’s hand on his waist. They leaned back on the sofa, holding each other, Blaine stroking Kurt’s back and hair, and Kurt pushing his head into Blaine’s shoulder and clinging to his hips. It felt like no matter how close they were it wouldn’t be enough. They stayed like that for hours, barely speaking, because they didn’t have to.

When Blaine woke up, it was dark, and he had a blanket draped across him. Kurt was gone. He looked frantically around, as he had flashbacks of the previous day, the hospital, the desperate look on Rebecca’s face as the doctor explained what had happened. The way she apologised over and over, and the unfair resentment he’d felt towards her, and Kurt pulled his hand away when he’d tried to hold it, and how it wasn’t until they were falling asleep that he thought they could actually get through this. He knew deep down that it was stupid to panic about Kurt not being there. Kurt would always be there.

Just as Blaine was taking a deep breath, calming himself down, Kurt walked in with two cups of coffee. He wasn’t exactly smiling, but he looked different to how he did yesterday. Like he was capable of smiling. Blaine watched as he set the cups down on the coffee table, and sat next to him, tucking one foot underneath him and looking straight into his eyes. Kurt placed a hand on Blaine’s thigh. The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. Blaine rested his hand of top of his husband’s, and stared back into his eyes.

Kurt didn’t realise it, but this is how his parents had looked at each other. Completely comfortable. Knowing that they were lucky to have what they had. He and Blaine had been looking at each other like this since they were 17.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt’s hand was shaking as the phone kept slipping out of it. His palms were sweating. Even now, that man still terrified him. The man he’d only met once, who he’d stayed the hell away from ever since. It rang twice, and it seemed to take half an hour doing so. Kurt cleared his throat, even though he knew his voice was going to wobble when he tried to talk. He was probably imagining it, but even the sound of the receiver being picked up seemed aggressive.

“Yes?” That voice still sent a shiver up his spine. It was actually a pretty normal voice, but to Kurt it was harsh and punishing. The speech he’d planned flew out of his mind. He felt 18 again. “Hello? Hello? I have things to do, so you might want to start talking.”

“I – I -”

“You what? Do you have any idea what my time is worth? Who is this?”

“Mr Anderson, my name is Kurt. We’ve actually met before.”

The voice paused.

“Kurt who?” he asked suspiciously.

“Kurt… Anderson. Well, Anderson-Hummel. I’m Blaine’s husband.” There was another pause. Kurt closed his eyes, praying Alexander wouldn’t hang up. He heard slow, deep breathing.

“You… you got married?” Alexander swallowed. He’d tried so hard not to think about this. He’d spent so many years telling people his son had moved away that he’d started to believe it himself. Images of his son all grown up in a suit, dancing, cutting a cake, all those things he’d pictured when Blaine was little, all came flooding back to him. He blinked, trying to shut them out. He tried to keep it together, even though that dull ache had started again in his stomach, the one he thought had finally gone. “Congratulations.” Kurt looked at the phone, confused. “Is that what you called to tell me? Why couldn’t Blaine do it himself? Why shouldn’t I just put this phone down?”

“No, no, please! Blaine actually doesn’t know I’m calling you. I just, we, I didn’t know who else to call. We need your help.”

***

Blaine met Rebecca in college. She was fascinating, and they’d hit it off immediately. She was pre-med, planning to become a surgeon, and she was driven and ambitious. These traits applied to her personal life as well as her studies; she knew how to party and often convinced him to stay out longer than he really wanted to. That being said, he always ended up enjoying himself. She was just one of those girls that everyone gravitated towards. She always seemed to be laughing, even when she was cramming for an exam or right after throwing up behind a club. Blaine didn’t mind holding her hair back. It was worth it for such a good night, and she made the distance between him and Kurt bearable. They were on opposite sides of Manhattan, and both constantly busy with rehearsals and papers, but they both got through it and it was largely thanks to Rebecca keeping Blaine busy.

Even now, when they’d all graduated and we working ridiculous hours, her at the hospital and Kurt and Blaine at a different theatre every week, they stayed close. She’d swap a shift for an even tougher one just so she could go to dinner at their house. Within minutes, she and Blaine would be laughing as if they were back at college, and would be laughing at them, and they would eat and drink until 2am, when she would say ‘Right, I better leave you to it. You boys have a lot of sex to catch up on,” and she’d kiss them both and keep shouting back at them as they stood in the doorway until she was out of sight. It was on one such night when the idea came up.

The three of them had finished their meal hours ago, but they were still gabbling away, plates uncleared, discussing Rebecca’s job. Ironically it seemed more dramatic than Kurt and Blaine’s put together, and they were both actors.

“So she’s screaming the place down, and he’s standing there, dumbstruck. The guy doesn’t have a fucking clue what to do. He keeps whimpering encouraging shit, like ‘that’s it, honey, you’re doing so well,’ and she’s like ‘FUCK. YOU’. She doesn’t give a fuck what he has to say, because as far as she’s concerned it’s this bastard’s fault she’s there. And we have to be professional and get the baby out and all that crap, but we all kinda wanted to see how long we could leave it, how far she’d go, because I was like 80% sure she’d have killed him if she’d had another hour. So anyway, she keeps yelling at him, and she’s just wasting all her energy screaming when she’s supposed to be pushing, so I tell him to get the fuck out and I tell her to shut the fuck up, and we’re all working for the kid now. It was like ER. This kind of dramatic shit is why I wanted to do it in the first place. I felt like fucking Wonder Woman. I just swept in there and got the kid out and shipped her off to the maternity unit and for a second I had my hands on my hips and I was just standing there, like some tough, victorious motherfucker. It was awesome.” Rebecca swore a lot. Especially when she’d had a drink and she was talking about work. Kurt and Blaine stared at her in disbelief and the three of them cackled for ten minutes. “The guy’s face when it came out, though. I mean, he was a jackass, but he was a fucking happy one. It was cute.” She took another gulp of wine as Kurt and Blaine looked at each other with a small smile. She tilted her head, suddenly seeming much more sober. “So, have you guys thought about kids and stuff? I mean, you’ve been married for what, a year? You should hurry up before your ovaries dry up or something.” They both took a breath. They hadn’t really discussed it. Well, not seriously. They hadn’t made plans or anything. It was just an unspoken agreement that they wanted it to happen. They really wanted it.

“We haven’t really-”

“I don’t know-”

“Bullshit. I know those looks.”

“What looks?” Kurt didn’t like the idea that she could read him so easily, even though she’d been doing it for years. She smirked.

“That adorable, ‘Hey-Kurt-hey-Blaine-imagine-us-with-kids-imagine-their-tiny-clothes-imagine-their-tiny-hands-and-feet-and-the-future-oh-I-love-you-so-much’ look. It’s kind of your main look. Have you seriously not spoken about it?”

“I guess we’ve never had to,” Kurt said, still smiling at Blaine, “it’s always been a given. Hasn’t it?”

“Yep!” Blaine slipped an arm around Kurt’s waist, pulling him in clumsily and kissing his cheek. “I mean, I’ve been trying to get pregnant for years, but nothing.” Kurt slapped his leg, but grinned at him. “But seriously, maybe we should start thinking about it. You know, which route do we want to go down? Adoption?”

“Maybe. I don’t really mind, either way. Um, are we really having this discussion now? Like, seriously?”

“Why not? I mean, it’s not like we can just screw and then in nine months, boom, baby. Doesn’t it take years sometimes? But I’ve kind of always liked the idea of surrogacy. Then it would biologically be ours. I mean, a little baby version of you? Tell me that wouldn’t be the cutest thing ever.” 

Kurt laughed.

“Well, I don’t know. It wouldn’t have curly hair. And it would probably try to give us a lot of manicures.”

“True. Could you bear to let anyone other than you touch my nails?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe if it was really adorable.”

“Ugh, how did you get all cute again so quickly? I thought we were talking technicalities? Ins and outs of turkey basters, etcetera.” Blaine snorted. Kurt looked pensive.

“Well, what would we have to do? Find an oven and just…” he made some crude gesture with his hand that was supposedly meant to represent insemination. “Just mix our stuff together and put it in?”

“No, no, we’d have to find an egg donor too. Then we’d be the only ones with any legal claim to it.” They weren’t laughing any more. This was The Baby Talk. “I mean, we’d have to cover ourselves. We’d need to make sure the surrogate couldn’t change her mind or anything.”

“Does that really happen? Who would do that?”

“I wouldn’t.” They both stared at her. “What?” She took another sip. “I think I could be a pretty good oven. You can still get hammered when you’re pregnant, right?” Their mouths opened slightly to correct her, and she rolled her eyes and gave an exaggerated sigh. “Guys, I’m a fucking doctor. What’s wrong with you? I’m just saying, I could handle it. I love my job way too much to go stealing babies or anything, and I’m super healthy, and I’m your best friend. I could just have it, hand it over, go back to work. You guys get a baby and I get to eat for two for a while and not care about getting fat. And you two would obviously be my bitches while I was carrying your cub. I want to get in on these manicures and shit.”

“Becca,” Blaine touched her hand, “are you serious about this?”

“I don’t see why not. And you guys don’t know this for obvious reasons, but my vagina is really strong. I’m extremely proud of it, and unless I do it for someone else I’ll never get to give it the ultimate test.” Any other day, this would have cracked them up. Tonight, they looked at her, then at each other, eyebrows raised. They looked back to Rebecca, who was running a fingertip round the edge of her plate and sticking it in her mouth, closing her eyes to savour the sauce. She made a noise that would have been inappropriate in any other company because, well, Kurt had made it, and when she opened her eyes again, Kurt and Blaine’s were wide and staring at her. They were both biting their lips, and Blaine had his hand on Kurt’s arm. They were clearly trying not to freak out. It would be way too early, and nothing was set in stone, and she was drunk and so were they so they couldn’t get ahead of themselves, but…

“OK. Here’s what we’ll do. I know you don’t want to go nuts yet, because you think I’ll sober up and change my mind, so I will go to bed and tomorrow I will make my offer again. And we’ll make a baby. And I’ll be the coolest aunt ever because I’ll teach it lots of bad words and let it play with scalpols.” She kissed them both on the heads and grabbed her bag, heading for the spare room. Kurt snapped out of his daze and stood up.

“Becca?” She turned around. “Where are you going?”

“I’m your sacred baby house now. Can’t have me wandering the streets at this time of night. Also, I don’t have cab fare on me. Night!” She disappeared down the corridor. Kurt looked back to Blaine.

“Are we doing this? Are we… Are we trying to have a baby?”

“Uh, I think so. I don’t know. Are we?” He stood up and walked over to Kurt. “She means it you know. She would totally do it. And I’ve heard nothing but praise for her girl parts.” Kurt didn’t laugh. He took Blaine’s hands.

“Blaine.” He sniffed. His eyes were stinging a little.

“I know. Can you imagine it though? I mean… wouldn’t it be perfect?” Kurt bit his lip again, smiling. He nodded slowly, then quickly threw his arms around Blaine’s neck, nuzzling into his hair. Blaine squeezed him and kissed his cheek as he felt him nodding.

“Yeah,” he whispered, “perfect.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Jesus, I'm coming, hang on!” The doorbell rang again, and the hammering continued. Kurt wasn't in the mood to be harassed. He ran his fingers through his hair, giving up all hope of being on time. The last couple of months had been a mess. Their hopes had been raised and destroyed as inseminations hadn't worked, and they were both starting to lose faith, but Becca insisted they keep trying. Kurt was mainly managing to stay positive, but that morning he woke up alone. Blaine was at an early rehearsal, as he knew he would be, but it still threw him off. The house was too quiet, and he overslept and fumbled with the coffee machine, knowing he looked less than fabulous today, and he hated it. And now someone was making it their mission to deafen him. He practically stomped to the door, still rubbing his eyes in an attempt to wake up, and before he even got it open properly he was attacked by something heavy. Someone. “Holy shit, what the- Becca?”

“Hi Kurt! Guess what I've got in my hand!”

“What?”

“Guess!”

“Um, I'm guessing it's not a sense of propriety. It's eight in the fucking morning.”

“No, dummy! Guess properly!” Kurt felt something digging into his head and tried to pry her away from him. “Kurt, if you can see it, it's cheating! You suck at this game!”

“Can you give me a clue?”

“I'll give you two. It's really, really good, and I just peed on it.” Kurt jumped away from her.

“Ew! Are you rubbing pee into my hair? Did you just effectively pee in my hair? Becca that's disgus-” Becca slapped him over the head.

“Kurt! Think for a second. Why would I pee on a stick? And why would it be a good thing?” He stopped rubbing his head. He stopped everything. He stood, staring, mouth hanging open. 

“No. No way. Let me see!” She showed him the test, and he stared at the word 'Pregnant', speechless.

“I know they said not to do a test until Thursday, but I just had a good feeling about it, and I thought it couldn't hurt, and-” Kurt picked her up and spun her around as they both screamed.

“I have to call Blaine! Did you call him? No, he would've called me, I just, oh God, Becca,” he finally let her go and held her hands, “a baby, Becca. We're having a baby. I can't even tell you, this is just-”

“I know, I'm bringing hope and joy into your lives just like always, now hurry up and call him. And put him on speakerphone, I need to hear this. I just hope the baby doesn't have ears yet; whatever noise he makes shouldn't be the first thing it hears its dad say.” Kurt had to stop for a second. Dad. They were going to be dads. There was a tiny little blob that was going to call them 'Dad' and stop crying when they held it and ask them questions about life, as if they were real grown ups. They were going to be someone's family. “Kurt? Are you OK?” Becca was squishing his face. He looked at her and smiled.

“More than OK.” He grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled, still staring at the test as Rebecca clung to his arm excitedly. They were both staring at the phone, shaking slightly in anticipation.

“Yeah, I'm sorry, crap... Hey, Kurt, listen I can't really-”

“BLAINE! WE'RE HAVING A BABY!”

“What? I thought we-”

“Blaine, Becca's right here holding a urine-soaked stick that says pregnant on it. Pregnant. We're pregnant!” Kurt and Becca both flinched away from the phone as a barrage of shouting and screaming poured down the line.

"No way! Shut up!"

“Blaine, what the hell are you doing?”

“Oh, sorry, I mean I'm not really, it's just, I, my husband and I, Kurt and I, we're, we're having a baby, and I would ask for five minutes but I'm actually just going to take it anyway, because I won't be much use right now if I stay,” they heard footsteps and a door opening, “so yeah, I'm just gonna go, I'll be right back.” The door swung closed. “Holy crap, are you serious?”

“Kurt, he can't see you nodding. It's a phone. Blaine, he says yes. Just call me Santa Maria.” Kurt looked at her, one eyebrow raised. “You know, immaculate conception and everything. No? Really? Ugh, I'm going; you guys obviously need a minute. Blaine, congratulations. Kurt, learn how phones work. Talk.” She slapped his ass, grabbed a vase from a cupboard and dropped the test into it, putting it on display in the middle of the table. It was an unconventional centrepiece, but Kurt left it. She reached up to peck him on the cheek. “Love you, boys.” She smiled and flounced out.

“Blaine. I. Wow. We're having a baby.”

“We're having a baby.”

“A baby.”

“God. I kind of wish you hadn't told me.”

“What?”

“Well, now I have to stay here all day knowing I should be with you. I have to know this all day and I can't do anything about it. Fuck.”

“We've got plenty of time to celebrate. You should get back. I love you, OK?”

“Love you too.” Those words came as naturally now as they always had. It was weird how everything felt so different but exactly the same. They both stayed on the line for a second. Becca was wrong. Kurt and Blaine could smile at each other through the phone.

***

Kurt was ready to be jumped on this time. He'd been daydreaming the whole time he was at work, and even though he arrived late, he left early, and everyone seemed to understand. All the girls were squealing and hugging him all day, and the guys kept giving him meaningful pats on the back and squeezing his shoulder. He knew he shouldn't have told them. People usually waited three months, right? But he needed an excuse as to why he was so late, and God, he just really wanted to. He practically ran home, thankful that it wasn't a show night, and the second his keys touched the door Blaine opened it and pounced. They stood in the street, holding each other as the emotions that had been building up all day were finally released. They were both crying. They hadn't realised just how badly they both wanted this until now. Kurt sniffed and whispered into Blaine's shoulder,

“We should go inside.”

“I know.”

“We're not going to, are we?”

“Probably not.”

“I don't care.”

“Me neither.”

“Blaine.”

“Kurt.”

“We're having a baby.” Blaine couldn't answer. He squeezed Kurt, lifting him up, and looked at the sky before closing his eyes. They both took deep breaths, as if they could breathe in so much of this moment that it would never end.


	4. Chapter 4

The three of them winced as the ultrasound technician squirted the cold goo onto Becca’s stomach. The last four months had been a blur of sighing and tearing up at the sight of tiny shoes and sneaky excited glances at each other when they thought nobody was looking. They were doing it right now, unaware that Becca was rolling her eyes at them. She cleared her throat.

“Excuse me? Hate to interrupt, but I have gross stuff on me so you can see your spawn. The least you can do is actually look.” They laughed and focused on her, Kurt on her left and Blaine on her right, both holding her hands and kissing her head. They froze when the tiny, blurry image fizzled up on the screen.

“So, there’s the head… Those are the legs, just folded in there, and that little flicker there… That is your baby’s heartbeat.”

“And it’s all normal? Everything’s OK? Ow! Could you not squeeze so hard? Jesus, I feel sorry for your dicks if your grip’s always that hard.” The three of them received a shocked stare from the technician, while a passing orderly sniggered. “Oh, sorry, I… We don’t usually talk like that. It’s been a very emotional day. Babies and stuff. Don’t worry, they’re really responsible and would never curse in front of-”

“Becca, it’s fine.” Blaine kissed her hand as he loosened his grasp on it. “But everything’s OK, right? With the baby?”

“Looks that way to me. As we’ve passed the three month mark, you can relax a little. You know, start telling people.” They looked at each other and tried to think of a single person they hadn’t told already. They smirked and looked down, both drawing a blank.

“Doctor, there are people who don’t know their names who know they’re having a baby.” The technician smiled.

“Yes, we get that a lot. Well, no harm done. Just listen to that heartbeat. Baby’s doing great.” Kurt and Blaine looked at each other, then back to the screen, their eyes watering. “I’ll give you a minute. Congratulations.”

“Kurt, look at that. It’s so tiny.” Kurt nodded, speechless. His grasp on Becca’s hand had softened. In fact, he’d gone completely limp. Blaine got up and swept in behind him, holding him and kissing his hair. He smiled at Rebecca and mouthed ‘Thank you’. She smiled and patted his arm. She gave a long sigh.

“What?”

“This was so much easier when I could just leave. Now I’m stuck with you two saps. You better not cry on my hair.”

***

Blaine took his final bow and ran off the stage. The show had over-run, and he and Kurt had plans. That was the best thing about this job: adrenaline rush after every performance. He was bounding out of the theatre, blowing kisses to the rest of the company, as he reached for his phone to call Kurt. He would tell him he didn’t have to call, and Blaine would tell him that he would always call anyway because it would just be weird not to hear his voice on his way home. But he didn’t get to hear his voice. He had seventeen missed calls. All from Becca. The last one was two hours ago. He stabbed at the ‘Call Voicemail’ button.

“Listen, Blaine, I’ve been calling you for like an hour, and, uh… Something’s… I’m at Beth Israel. Please just come, Ah! Oh, God, Blaine, just come.” Blaine dropped his phone. She sounded like she was in pain. He froze to the spot for twenty seconds, before stooping to pick the phone up and running to the subway, frantically trying to call Kurt.

The subway ride was unbearable. It seemed to take hours. He felt so helpless sitting there, hands in pockets, no phone reception, staring at the ground. He tapped his foot without realising as he read the texts Becca had been sending him all evening: ‘Blaine, pick up your phone’, ‘I don’t want you to freak out or anything, OK, just call me back. I’m probably just being paranoid.’, ‘Blaine. I called an ambulance. I’ll let you know where they take me. Please look at your phone.’

He burst through the double doors, still trying to call Kurt, and ran to reception.

“I’m sorry, sir, you can’t use your cell phone in here-”

“Um, can you tell me where Becca – Rebecca Harris is? It should be the, uh, I don’t know, what’s the ward for pregnant women? She’s, um, oh God, Kurt, pick up-”

“She’s in Obstetrics.” The nurse gently touched the hand that was leaning on her desk, and Blaine stopped panicking for a second. “Sir. You can’t use that in here. It messes up hospital equipment. Are you Mr Harris? I can tell you where she is.”

“No, she’s not, I’m Mr Anderson-Hummel. She’s our surrogate. I need to call my husband, he needs to be here, fuck, fuck-”

“OK. Hold on. Why don’t you give me his number and I’ll try calling him from here. Her ward is down the corridor and upstairs. Third door on the right. I’ll call the ward now and tell them you’re coming. Deep breaths, honey. You won’t be any use if you’re all shaken up, alright?” 

Blaine nodded.

He stumbled into the ward, ushered along by the tiniest nurse he’d ever seen. She was like a little bird, but her hands were soft as she held him by the elbow, guiding him towards the bed where Becca was sitting. She was fully clothed, and it looked like she was about to leave. She spotted Blaine and immediately looked at the floor. He walked up to her slowly. He knew what was coming. He wanted to put it off for as long as possible.

“I’m sorry; I was about to call you again, but they said you were on your way up.” Blaine sat beside her and put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

“Becca-”

“I was calling for so long, and I panicked. It really hurt.”

“Becca, please-”

“I didn’t know what else to do, Blaine, I had to call an ambulance. If I’d known they were just going to bring me to work-” He put his hand over hers. She looked up at him.

“Becca. It’s gone, isn’t it?” She opened her mouth to answer, but couldn’t find the words. She turned her head to face the floor and closed her eyes. That told him everything he needed to know. “I need to call Kurt. I need to speak to him.”

“No, Blaine, not yet. They’re trying. Can you just stay here for a minute?” He nodded, and tightened his grip on her arm. She leaned into him, putting her hand on his chest. “I’m sorry, Blaine. I’m really sorry. I wish I-” He shushed her, because he couldn’t hear it right now. He couldn’t break here, because the only person who could put him back together wasn’t here. He kept his mouth shut and rocked Becca gently. He didn’t want to be angry with her, but he couldn’t help it. She hadn’t done anything wrong; nature had simply taken its course, but it felt like there was a heavy metal lump in his stomach. He felt cold. He trembled all over. He wanted to throw up, or throw something across the room, or scream or something, but there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t move. So he just sat with her, closing his eyes and trying to close the world out. A man in blue scrubs and a white coat poked his head around the curtain. He started talking, sitting in front of them with his clipboard saying something about bleeding and abnormalities and Becca kept staring at the floor and the doctor was talking and talking but it didn’t make any difference. It was still gone. His arm dropped from Becca’s shoulders. He stood up, his eyes brimming, and started walking away. “No, Blaine, please-”

“I’m sorry. I can’t. Not yet. I need him.” He saw the doctor take her hand as he walked out. Of course. This was her hospital. She’d had to go through this in front of all her colleagues, her friends, at her most vulnerable. He wanted to turn back and be a proper friend and hold her hand and be there for her, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her; it just hurt too much.

He shivered when he got outside. It wasn’t the breeze. He saw Kurt running towards him from the parking lot, panic-stricken and tearful. He stopped a metre away. One look at Blaine and he knew what had happened. He shook his head. Blaine shook his, staring at him helplessly.

“No. No, no, no-” he sank to the ground. He sat on the floor, in front of dozens of visitors and patients, his hand flat on the concrete to steady himself. Blaine fell to his knees next to him, leaning back on his heels, pulling him under his chin. He held on to him tighter than he ever had before, as if letting go would mean slipping away into nothingness. All he could feel was the warmth of Kurt against the cold, the hope of him against the pain. They didn’t cry. They didn’t make a sound. They just sat there, holding each other, for almost an hour.

“Blaine?” Blaine didn’t answer, but Kurt knew he heard him. “I want to go home.”


	5. Chapter 5

They didn’t see Becca any more. They thought about it less and less as time went on. She called them once, a couple of weeks after it happened. She just left a message:

_‘Blaine, Kurt, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I know you probably want to try again, but we all know you can’t afford it, and I… I just can’t. I’m moving. I’ve been offered a job, and I’d be stupid to turn it down. This is all so – I don’t know. It was too much. You shouldn’t contact me, OK? You’ve both really meant a lot to me, you know that, and I love you, but I have to go. I’m really sorry. Bye.’_

The first time he heard it, Blaine was alone. He just stared at the phone. She sounded so different. She hadn’t even said which state she was moving to. More importantly, she hadn’t said ‘fuck’ once. His best friend was gone. He played the message to Kurt, and he was silent. He was sad about her, of course he was, he loved her, but in a way he was relieved. It made it easier not to think about it. He could barely look at Blaine without bursting into tears, she would have shattered him, but he knew Blaine missed her. More than that, he obviously felt guilty. He thought he’d broken her, that it was his fault she’d gone. Kurt tried to convince him other wise, that it was her idea, that she knew what she was getting into, nobody could have predicted what would happen, and he would always nod and give him a weak smile, but those thoughts still lingered at the back of his mind. Even now, months later, they both imagined how big she’d be by now, and what their house would look like now, how much baby stuff would be everywhere, how they should be squirming with excitement. They kept the door to the spare room closed, even though they never got round to redecorating it for the baby. They still knew.

They finally got parts in the same show. It was low-budget and experimental, and it meant moving from city to city, but they were grateful for the distraction, and they loved working together. In rehearsals they laughed until they were out of breath, especially when everyone else took it so seriously. It helped release some of the tension that had been building between them, and it felt like they were getting back to normal, even though they were living out of suitcases and sleeping in motels. They were gradually getting through it together.

They arrived in San Francisco, exhausted from the journey. It was the last stop on the tour, and they’d had enough of the play weeks ago. The director, a pretentious, bohemian type, insisted on a quick rehearsal before they went to sleep, so they could ‘feel the energy of the theatre’. It was 2am and no one was in the mood, but they went for it anyway. The play was really awful. A lot of interpretive movement and not-really-dancing kind of dancing. Lots of lines that were just strings of nouns. Unfortunately, they were so tired that they didn’t ‘feel’ how slippery the stage was, and Blaine slipped. He was fine, in fact he was in hysterics, but Kurt suddenly got very serious. That only made Blaine laugh more. Kurt hissed in his ear.

“Will you stop that? I’m finally getting to act, and we’re actually getting out of here. Pretend it hurts.”

“Ooh, ow, my ankle! I think it’s sprained! I better go to the hospital!” He cried, laying it on thick. Kurt nudged him in the ribs. “Ow!”

“Oh, honey, it’s OK, you obviously can’t dance on it. I’ll take to the emergency room. Let’s go.” Kurt hauled him up, apologising to the director, and Blaine limped along as Kurt supported him. As soon as they got outside, Kurt burst out laughing, letting go of Blaine, who stumbled.

“Ow, Kurt, come back! I actually might have twisted it. Can we still go to the hospital?” Kurt’s face fell. He just wanted to go to bed. And he hated hospitals, for obvious reasons. He put his arm around Blaine’s waist again and sighed.

“Jesus, I was really looking forward to getting you alone-”

“Whatever, you just wanted to go to sleep. Nice try.” Kurt smiled and kissed him on the head.

“Fine. But they better give you a really big bandage, or they won’t believe us.”

“I don’t see why you can’t fill this out yourself,” Kurt said as Blaine leaned against him, his eyes closed, blocking out the glare of the waiting room lights, “I’m not the one who didn’t look where he was going.”

“But Kurt, I’m injured. I’m a poor weak invalid, I can’t possibly do anything for myself now. Besides, your writing’s actually legible.”

“Hmm. I didn’t realise there was a connection between your ankle and your hand.” He kept writing anyway, just so he didn’t have to look up, but eventually his eyes got tired and he had to stretch his legs. He rolled his sweater up and slid it under Blaine’s head so he could get some sleep, and wandered up the corridor to find the coffee machine. He was waiting for his drink to appear when someone was wheeled past him quickly. The trolley bashed into his hip, almost knocking him over, and nobody seemed to notice, apart from one of the doctors. She was in scrubs. She had long, dark hair, tied back. Kurt noticed as she turned around that her stomach was swollen. She must have been eight months pregnant.

“Sorry, sir, we’re in a-” She and Kurt both froze, staring at each other.

“Becca?”


	6. Chapter 6

“How – what are you doing here?”

“Really? You’re questioning _me_?”

“Kurt, no, I can’t. Not now, I have to go.” Before Kurt could get his balance back, she’d gone. The bed was being pushed by a bustling crowd of white coats and all Kurt could hear was the squeaking of the trolley wheels and the pounding in his head. No. What the… No. It couldn’t be. She couldn’t. Blaine.

“Wake up. Blaine, wake up. Now.” 

Kurt shook Blaine to life. How he’d gone into such a deep sleep in such a short time was mystifying. His eyes opened, and he immediately closed them again.

“No. I’m not done. Come back in a year.”

“Blaine! It’s Becca. It’s fucking Becca, I just, she was just, oh God, Blaine, wake up!” 

Blaine rubbed his eyes and yawned as he spoke.

“What? You saw Becca? Is she OK?”

“Blaine, she’s pregnant.”

“How did you find out? When did you see her?” He kept mumbling incoherently, “what do you mean, pregnant? Did she get married or something?”

“No, Blaine. She was really pregnant. Like, huge.”

“No, that’s stupid. It’s only been, what, four months? She can’t be.” Kurt grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him up, staring straight into his eyes.

“Blaine. Look at me. Becca is here, working in this hospital, and she is heavily pregnant. Try and think of the only way that could be possible.” Blaine’s jaw dropped. He scrambled to his feet.

“Where is she?” 

Kurt grabbed him by the arms.

“I don’t know. She ran off; she must be in surgery. That gives us some time, OK? We need time to think about this. I’ll speak to the nurse at the desk and find out when she’s free, and we’ll figure something out.”

“But Kurt, she’s – what if -”

“I know.”

“But why would she-”

“I know, Blaine. I don’t understand it either. We just need to stay calm and talk to her.” Blaine opened his mouth to object, how the hell was he supposed to stay calm, how the hell could his best friend- but Kurt held his hand and put his other hand on his cheek. “No. We have to. We’ve waited for months now. We can wait a few minutes.”

***

They were waiting outside the theatre when she got out. Just sitting silently on a bench, looking up at her. Kurt managed to maintain eye contact while Blaine just stared at her stomach. He squeezed Kurt’s hand as tears filled his eyes. Becca looked at the ground.

“We should go somewhere. My office. It’s just down here.” They walked together in silence. Rebecca didn’t know what to say, Kurt knew he couldn’t speak without shouting, and Blaine’s throat had seized up. He felt like he’d swallowed a boulder. He focused on not throwing up and holding on to Kurt. That was all he could manage right now. At least his ankle didn’t hurt any more.

Rebecca held the door open for them as they walked in. Well, Kurt walked, Blaine was practically staggering. He wished he could just be angry like Kurt, but more than anything he was just in pain. She was his best friend. They sat down. She could barely fit behind the desk. Blaine was still staring at the bump and grasping Kurt’s hand.

“So,” Kurt started, breathing slowly, “are you going to explain?”

“Listen, I know you’re probably freaking out.” Kurt let out a single laugh. _No fucking kidding._ “But I really want you both to know that I didn’t plan this.”

“So you ran away with our baby by accident? Is that it? Seriously, Rebecca, you can do better than that-”

“No, wait, I wasn’t lying. I mean, Blaine, when I was calling you, I really thought something was wrong. I was so sure I was going to lose it, it hurt so much, and I was panicking-”

“It hurt? You know what else hurts?”

“Kurt, listen. Please. That day I honestly thought that was it. I imagined it all, I pictured telling you and going on without it, and then I realised that eventually I would have to go on without it. I’d never thought I would mind giving it up, but that day I started imagining losing it, imagining not having this little thing with me any more, and it was awful.”

“It _was_ awful. Fucking awful. We went through it, Rebecca.”

“I know, and I still hate myself for it. But you don’t understand. You don’t know how it feels. It’s like this baby’s a part of me, OK? I can feel him moving. It’s like his heartbeat is my heartbeat.” 

Blaine looked up.

“Him?” 

She put a hand on her stomach and nodded. Blaine couldn’t breathe.

“I lost it, OK? I was a mess, and I didn’t know what to do. The thought of being apart from him felt like a heart attack. I just thought maybe I could… Well…”

“Steal him? You really thought you could just run away and we’d never find out?” Blaine was shaking his head, confused.

“I don’t understand. There was another doctor. He sat there and explained, with the white coat, and the clipboard, and he told me it was gone.”

“Blaine, she worked there. She knew him.” Kurt glared at her, eyes watering, while Blaine kept shaking his head in disbelief.

“No, she can’t have, you wouldn’t, Becca? You… You asked me to stay. I felt so guilty. The only thing that hurt as much as losing it, losing… Him, it was losing you. I thought you were so miserable that you had to leave. I thought it was all our fault for asking so much of you. I kept picturing you in pain, all alone in hospital… Rebecca, I thought I’d lost my best friend and my baby in one day.” He stared at her, lost, tears trickling down his cheeks.

“I regretted it straight away. I was on the plane out here knowing it was all wrong, and I felt so stupid. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t exactly turn around and say ‘Sorry guys, all a big mix up, it’s actually fine, I just had a weird spasm in my uterus, here’s your baby’.”

“And you thought we’d like it better if we never saw you again? You thought we’d rather keep believing our baby was gone?” Kurt was struggling to restrain himself. Blaine just sat, helpless.

“I don’t know! I mean, I just thought it could work. If I told you not to contact me, maybe-”

“No. No, Rebecca-”

“Blaine, please, I hate it when you call me that-”

“I don’t care. I hate it when you tell me my son’s gone when he’s not. I hate holding my husband on the floor outside a hospital, feeling more pain than he’s ever felt, and not being able to do anything about it. I hate crying for days, weeks, over losing two of the most important things in my life. Right now, Rebecca… I think I hate you.” Kurt put a hand on his arm.

“Blaine. This isn’t helping. Listen, Rebecca, it’s over now. We know. We know everything, so can’t we go back to the original plan? We can fix this. It’s due on the 25th, right? Yes, I remember. We both do, and were dreading it, but now, now we can have him. Becca, you can make this right.”

She looked to one side. She looked down. She closed her eyes. She shook her head.

“I can’t. He’s mine.”


	7. Chapter 7

Blaine stood up.

“What?” Kurt tried to calm him down.

“Blaine, honey, wait-”

“No. We’ve waited. We’re done fucking waiting. Rebecca, he’s not yours. You’re the surrogate. He’s our baby; you can’t do this-”

“I told you, Blaine. I can’t give him up. I just can’t. I can fucking feel him. I’ve got a nursery, and I’ve child-proofed my house, I mean who thought I would ever do that? I can’t just suddenly tell everyone I don’t have a baby after all. I can’t lose him.”

“ _We_ can’t lose him! It was your fault we thought we’d lost him in the first place; we can’t go through that again! You told us you didn’t have a baby any more. That seemed easy enough.” It was Kurt’s turn to stare in disbelief as Blaine yelled at her. “Do you really think you can just keep him?” Blaine thought he was going to explode. His child was a metre away from him but it was still unreachable. He just wanted to hold him already, he wanted him and Kurt to be able to take him home, but his perfect family was being torn apart by his best friend. She’d been the one person he trusted as much as Kurt. She knew how much he wanted this. He’d spent nights rambling drunkenly to her about the future, about him and Kurt having kids, and she was supposed to be a part of it. She was supposed to be helping them get there, and here she was, stomping on every word they’d ever said to each other. “Do you think we’re just going to leave? We’re not leaving him behind, Rebecca! He’s ours!”

A voice interrupted him.

“Dr Harris? Is everything OK in there?” Rebecca looked Blaine straight in the eyes.

“No.” A man opened the door. He was surrounded by three other men, all in scrubs. The first one, a tall blonde, stepped in, puffing his chest out.

“We heard yelling. Is there a problem?” Her eyes didn’t move. She didn’t even blink. Blaine shook his head at her, his mouth falling open. She wouldn’t.

“Yes. Two problems, actually.”

“No problem, Becky. We’ll get them out of here. Come on, you two, I think you’d better go.” Kurt’s brow furrowed, showing his utter confusion.

“What? No, you don’t understand-”

“No, sir, I don’t think you understand. You think you can just storm in here and give Dr Harris a hard time? Think again, buddy.” Buddy? Becky? What was happening? Why was she letting them do this? The blonde grabbed Blaine’s arm, which was a bad idea when he was mid-rage. He shook him off, and when another man took his left arm, he swung at him, missing his face by an inch. Kurt jumped up.

“Blaine! Don’t, please! Becca, do something!”

“She doesn’t have to do a damn thing, pal.” Kurt winced. He’d never seen himself as a ‘pal’ kind of guy. “You’ve got some nerve yelling at Becky in her condition. This kind of stress could be dangerous.”

“We’ve got a nerve? Stress? Becca, what the fuck?” All four of the men had come in from the hallway now and were pushing and pulling them out. Blaine couldn’t move his arms. If he thought he’d felt helpless before, he was wrong.

“Get off me! Becca, you can’t do this! Christ, what is wrong with you? What the hell happened to you? I said get the fuck off me!”

“Please, leave him alone, you can’t corner him like that-” As Kurt reached out to try and pull them off Blaine, the other two grabbed him. He flinched and pulled back, craning his neck to look at Becca. “Will you tell them?” He kicked helplessly, his feet skimming the ground as he was lifted up. He could feel fingers digging into his shoulders and an arm across his chest. He tried to grab the door frame as they were heaved out of the office, Blaine’s arms pinned behind his back like a criminal. They were actually being escorted from the premises, as Becca watched from the doorway of her office. She grasped the bump, but she didn’t move. Her face was expressionless. Kurt had more or less given up, crying weakly, but Blaine kept thrashing and shouting. His voice kept catching as he was grabbed and pulled around and tears kept falling.

“No! You can’t! That’s our fucking baby, Becca! That’s our son! You just can’t! Don’t touch me, asshole, you don’t know what she’s doing, you have no fucking idea what’s she’s done to us!”

“Blaine, stop; it’s no good. Please, let him go-” They were marched through the lobby, Blaine still pushing against the two men who must have both been a foot taller than him. Everyone was staring, but they didn’t notice. Kurt was staring back at Blaine, his eyes streaming as he saw him in so much pain. Even though he’d stopped resisting, the men didn’t let him go. They carried on pushing him forward, away from Blaine and towards the door. Blaine was still straining, trying to get back to Becca, back to the baby. It was like it was happening all over again. Every time he saw her and the bump, their baby, he just got more angry and pushed harder.

“No chance. We want you both out of here. Nobody can talk like that to a pregnant woman. Calm the hell down and get out, both of you.”

“Calm?”

“Blaine-”

“Becca! What the fuck! You have to give him to us, Becca, you have to! Let me go, fucking get the fuck off me-” His arm was twisted even further around his back, and he cried out in pain. He stopped yelling and lowered his head, closing his eyes. Kurt managed to get free from his guards and ran over to Blaine. They turned and were about to grab him again, but he slowly, softly, placed his hands on Blaine’s face. Blaine lifted his head and opened his eyes. Another tear slid down each cheek. His shoulders dropped.

“I know, Blaine. I know. It hurts again. I know we thought it had stopped hurting, but I promise you it will stop again.” Blaine started shaking his head hopelessly. Kurt held him still so head no choice but to look at him. “Listen to me. We will get him back. I swear. We’ll do whatever it takes. But right now, we need to leave. We don’t have a choice.” Blaine closed his eyes for a second, letting himself feel Kurt’s hands and pretend it was just them. He took a deep breath and the grip on his arms loosened as he relaxed. His breathing was laboured, but he gradually recovered as Kurt whispered ‘it’s OK, I’m here, I’ve got you’ in his ear and kissed his cheek and temple and forehead. They were still in the hospital lobby, where just an hour ago they had been sitting, laughing, clueless. And now they were broken all over again. Kurt glanced at the men surrounding them. They nodded to each other and let go, but still stood in between them and Rebecca. Blaine could barely stand, but Kurt put an arm around his waist and led him outside towards the car. They both looked back through the windows, but she was gone. Their baby might as well have been on the other side of the world.

They finally made it to the car. Blaine laid his palms against the bonnet, taking short, sharp breaths. He was still crying. He kicked the wheel, hard, letting out a shout of frustration. As his breathing got faster, Kurt thought he might start getting angry again and rushed to his side to soothe him, but as soon as he’d kicked the car once his head fell. He was sobbing. It was loud and uncontrollable and it forced Kurt to do the same, and as he put an arm around Blaine, he turned and grabbed him. Kurt was immediately pulled down as Blaine’s entire weight was shifted onto him, and he surrendered to it. They both fell to the floor, oil from the car getting on their clothes as they leaned against it, Kurt burying his face in Blaine’s hair and Blaine soaking Kurt’s sweater with his tears. They gripped onto each other, huddled against the cold, sitting on the floor, just like before. Kurt tried not to shake as he heard Blaine’s muffled cries. He concentrated on holding him. What else could he do? He wanted to promise to fix it, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to do. He just sat with Blaine, reliving the worst moment of his life.

Different city. Exact same heartbreak.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Kurt did everything he could to bring Blaine back up. He was determined to do something. All he’d come up with so far was pacing back and forth in their motel room.

“We need a lawyer. We can fix this; that baby is ours.” Blaine didn’t even look up, simply shaking his head as he sat, cross-legged, on the bed.

“How are we supposed to afford that?”

“Someone, my dad, could maybe-”

“Come on, Kurt, he’s as broke as we are. Everyone is.”

“I know… But Blaine, nobody can take her side in this-”

“What about everyone in that waiting room? What about the dozens of people who saw me lose it in a hospital, yelling at a pregnant woman? We had to be dragged out, Kurt. Well, I did. If you hadn’t stopped me, if they hadn’t let go – I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. I know I should have stayed calm, but when that guy grabbed me and she was getting further and further away, my mind just went-” Kurt handed him a polystyrene cup of coffee and sat down, rubbing Blaine’s knee.

“It’s OK. I know you couldn’t help it. You were cornered. After what you’ve been through…” They couldn’t start thinking about the past now. Of course he lost it when they grabbed him. He’d been grabbed like that before. But they just couldn’t get dragged down in that today. He changed his tone: “I would’ve done the same if I had any upper body strength.” Blaine laughed weakly, setting his drink on the bedside table. Kurt took his hand and he looked up. “None of this is your fault. I don’t know how she could just stand there. She didn’t even seem upset. Everyone must have thought we were nuts.” Blaine didn’t laugh this time. His eyes were watering again. His voice cracked.

“I’ve made everything worse, haven’t I?” Kurt put an arm around him and kissed his head.

“I don’t think that’s possible. But Blaine, she has no claim over him. We have a contract.”

“But we didn’t use a donor. Biologically-”

“No. That’s crap. Biologically, only one of us is his father, but we’ll both be his dads. We were both heartbroken when we lost him, we both miss him and we both love him. Look at me and Finn. He’s my brother, even if we don’t share any DNA. And look at your dad. He’s supposedly the real deal, but you haven’t spoken since you were eighteen. We’re the ones who are going to bring him up and love him no matter what. We are going to be the ones who take him home.” Blaine nodded.

“You’re right. Of course you’re right. There are just so many things that could go wrong, and God, why didn’t we get a donor-” Kurt placed a hand over Blaine’s mouth. They couldn’t do that. They’d both fall apart. Everything Kurt was saying about parents, about family – Becca had said it before. And they’d believed her.

“You need to get some sleep. I know you were awake all night. I’m going out to get food. I’ll call Patrick and tell him we’re dropping out. They’ve only sold six tickets, anyway. I’ll be back in an hour with a special brainstorming feast.” He took Blaine’s hand. “We’ll fix this.” He kissed him on the head, lingering for a few seconds, and grabbed his keys and strolled out, head high. Blaine took a deep breath and slid down on the bed. He lay with his eyes closed, and somehow after forty minutes managed to drift off. Kurt seemed so damn sure of himself, it actually started to convince him.

***

Kurt’s mind was racing as he wandered down the street to find somewhere to get food. He picked a bakery, just because the smells wafting from it were heavenly, and as he stood in line, an idea hit him and he dropped his wallet.

“Sir, can I help?”

“What?” There was a two-metre gap between him and the counter. He hadn’t noticed the queue moving.

“What can I get you? Or do you need a minute to decide? It’s just, you know, there’s a line-”

“Oh, right, right, um, can I just get… food? Really unhealthy food. Croissants, baguettes, that kind of thing. A couple of those brownies, too, please. I need sustenance for what I’m about to do.” He ran back to the car with a bag full of carbohydrates that he knew he’d regret, and whipped out his phone. There was one lawyer who might, just might be able to help. If he could talk him into it. And he was saved in Kurt’s phone as ‘ASSFACE’, just in case they ever needed to contact him. Because Kurt was an adult.


	9. Chapter 9

“We need your help.”

“Did something happen? Is Blaine OK?” Considering how many years it had been since they’d spoken, his heart still jumped into his throat. What if he – no. Stop it. Listen. He’d ignored them long enough.

“Well, no. I mean, he’s not sick or anything, but he’s a wreck. We both are. How quickly can you get to San Francisco?”

“What? I thought you lived in New York-”

“How did you- I mean yes, we do, but there’s a situation…” Kurt realised he had no idea how to explain this in a nutshell. “You see, a friend of ours – well, she was a friend; she was supposed to be our surrogate, and she, um… She won’t give us our baby.” There was a long pause.

“Th-there’s a – you’re having a baby? When – I mean, how-”

“Oh, you know, the ol’ turkey baster trick, the height of technology!” He winced and smacked his own forehead. What was he talking about? Oh, right, sperm. God. “Listen, I think I need to explain this in person. It’s a long story.” Kurt bit his lip as there was another pause. It must have been thirty seconds. It was too much. He’d done it wrong, and he wouldn’t come, and he was back to square zero. Square minus seventy. Why did he have to talk about sperm? He’d been indirect about it, but this was his estranged father-in-law, and he actually said ‘turkey-baster’. The sperm was implied. Shit. Finally, he heard clicking and the voice returned.

“I can be there in four hours. Shall I meet you at the airport?” Kurt almost passed out with relief.

“That sounds perfect! Thank you so much, you don’t know what this means-”

“Yes I do. Do you think he’ll mind? I mean, last time we spoke, it didn’t exactly-”

“Leave it to me. We’ll both be there.”

***

Blaine woke up with a start when Kurt leapt onto the bed.

“What? What’s happening? Kurt, what are you doing?” He flopped his head back on the pillow.

“I’ve fixed it! Blaine, I called someone, and they might actually be able to help!”

“Seriously? Who? Do they know we’re broke? Do we have to pay in sexual favours?” Kurt snorted.

“God, I hope not. That could be super inappropriate.”

“Oh, ew, it’s not a woman is it? I mean, I’m all for taking one for the team, but-”

“Blaine! Please, you need to stop guessing. It’s your dad.” Blaine’s face practically turned to stone.

“No, Kurt. Not him. Anyone but him. I mean, I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

“Well, we actually have a pretty good ice-breaker. Remember how your best friend is trying to take our baby? You could start with that.” Blaine looked down for a second. It was too soon to be flippant about it. Kurt put his hand on top of Blaine’s. “What if it works? What if he can actually help? On the phone, he seemed, kind of… Different. I don’t know, when I mentioned the baby, he sounded worried-”

“He was probably about to have a heart attack over the idea of homosexuals raising children. I bet he has Mitt Romney on speed dial.”

“But Blaine, the second I told him we needed help he asked after you.” Blaine raised his eyebrows for a second, then shook his head. “He thought you were sick or something. He cares, OK? I could hear it.”

“Even if he does help, do we have time? I mean, he’s not just going to drop everything-”

“He’ll be at the airport at 2:30. I said we’d pick him up.”

“What? Do I have to come?”

“I won’t recognise him; I’ve only met the guy once.” Blaine sighed and slumped against the headboard.

“I bet he’d recognise you. You kind of stand out.”

“Thank you, but it’s not going to work. You’re coming.” Kurt took both of his hands and rubbed his thumb over Blaine’s wedding ring. “We have to try.” Blaine looked from Kurt’s hands to his eyes. He was smiling, but he looked like he could shatter any second. No matter how hard he tried to stay positive and pretend they’d found the answer to everything, one look told Blaine everything he needed to know. Kurt was scared. He knew it might not be enough. He was using this moment to distract himself from the next bit, from the thought of losing, of going back to New York without him, of having to go on knowing that someone else was bringing up their child. He was feeling all of it. And he’d picked the wrong person to try and hide it from. Kurt was trying so hard to fix this; the least he could do was put his daddy issues aside.

“We will. Kurt, I swear, we’ll do whatever it takes.” He leaned forward and kissed him slowly, their noses rubbing against each other and their foreheads touching. When their lips were parted, they stayed close for a minute, letting themselves breathe. They needed to just be still for a moment and remember that when everything else was a mess, they each still had one solid thing that wasn’t going to change. They needed one thing to be sure about. They gripped each other’s hands tightly, eyes closed, until Kurt took a deep breath and sat up, running a hand through his hair.

“Right. I need a shower. I can’t believe how gross I am. I’m not meeting him like this, or he’ll think I’m some kind of heathen.” He stood up, stretching, pushing his chest up and sticking his ass out ever so slightly. Just enough for Blaine to notice. He sauntered to the bathroom door, turning back to him. “Would you care to join me? I mean, you could probably do with some stress-relief before we go.” Blaine slid off the bed and rushed up to kiss him. Kurt turned his head away dramatically. “Woah, there. Maybe you should have a minute alone in there first. You stink.” Blaine gasped, shaking his head and grabbing Kurt’s wrist, dragging him into the shower. For the first time since yesterday, maybe for the first time since they were at the hospital four months ago, they were both really laughing. They could barely breathe, but it felt like they were finally breathing properly again. It felt amazing.


	10. Chapter 10

They managed to sit down for two minutes before they had to stand. They couldn’t keep still. The flight was delayed for hours, and as it started to get dark they just got more and more nervous. A chubby, elderly woman was peering at them over the edge of her book. They noticed her, but shrugged it off. They’d become accustomed to those sort of looks. A mother whispered ‘Shush!’ to her five-year-old son as he brazenly asked ‘Why are those men holding hands?’, and she smiled at them apologetically. They smiled back, momentarily calm. He was so innocent, not realising he wasn’t supposed to point these things out. They held hands a little tighter, and Kurt told the mother it was fine.

“We’re holding hands because that’s what married people do. See?” He held up his wedding ring, and Blaine did the same.

“Hey, they’re just like you and Daddy!” The boy’s mother smiled at him and nodded, absent-mindedly stroking his hair.

“Yep. Exactly like me and Daddy. And maybe some day they’ll be as lucky as us and have a little cutie-pie just like you!” She prodded at his sides until he squealed with laughter. Kurt and Blaine smiled at them, with just a hint of sadness in their eyes. “I’m sorry,” the woman interjected, sensing something was wrong, “should I not have said that?” Kurt’s mouth opened, but no words came out. Blaine took a deep breath and beamed at her, showing Kurt his confidence that everything was going to be fine.

“Don’t worry about it!” He rubbed his thumb across Kurt’s knuckles. “Hopefully we can be that lucky really soon.” Kurt squeezed his hand back and pressed a kiss into his shoulder before kneeling down in front of the little boy.

“So, where’s your dad now?” The boy’s smile faded and he looked down at his shoes.

“I don’t know. Mom told me, but I always forget.” His mother wrapped an arm around him and whispered into his ear. He wriggled, trying to shrug her off. “Mommy, they can see you whispering! Fine, it’s Af… Afanisham. That’s where Dad is. He’s coming back today, but not for very long. He’ll go away again, like he always does.” Kurt felt Blaine’s hand on his shoulder as he bent down to kneel beside him. After glancing at the mother to make sure it was OK, he took the boy’s hand. His little face seemed so pale against the darkness that was coming through the huge airport windows. Being surrounded by that much black made him seem even smaller and sadder, and made Kurt want to hug him even more. But he didn’t want to cross any lines.

“Listen. I bet wherever your daddy is, he’s always thinking about you. I bet he misses you all the time.” The boy looked up at him for a few seconds before looking back down, shaking his head.

“No, he’s not. He’s got important stuff to do out there. He doesn’t have time to think about me.” The woman put a hand to her chest. He looked guilty saying it, but it was probably something you just couldn’t tell your parents. Even at such a young age, this little boy was just trying to be strong for his mother.

“Sweetie, of course he misses you! He loves you so much; I’ve read you his letters, and he tells you how much he misses you every time we talk to him.” He didn’t look up. He was too embarrassed.

“He has to say that. It’s not the same.” The woman searched for the right words to say, but her eyes were full of tears. Kurt soothed him, while Blaine patted her hand gently, assuring her it wasn’t her fault.

“Hey. What’s your name?” The boy sniffed and wiped at his nose with his sleeve.

“Oliver.”

“Well, Oliver, turn around for a minute.” The boy craned his neck to look up at the sky.

“Why?”

“Because that’s where the moon is.” The boy giggled, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand to stop his tears from obscuring his view. Now they were just silly blobs getting in his way.

“I know that. Everybody knows that. I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were! I’m saying, wherever anyone is in the world, they can look up every night and see the same moon.”

“Really?”

“Really. So maybe your dad won’t be home for long, but when he goes back, you’ll be able to look at the sky and see the moon, and you’ll know that somewhere out there in… Afanisham, he’ll be looking at the moon too.” Blaine was smiling at Kurt with tears in his eyes. He automatically reached up to stroke his hair. Kurt smiled back at him.

“And Oliver?” The child looked over to Blaine. “I promise he’ll be thinking about you.” Oliver frowned.

“How do you know?” Blaine swallowed and took a deep breath.

“Because we have a little boy too, and right now he’s far away from us. And we think about him all the time, because we’re his dads, and we love him.” Kurt rested his hand on Blaine’s knee, squeezing gently and stroking it with his fingertips. Oliver blinked at them both. His mother kissed him on the head.

“You see, honey? No matter how far away he is, your dad always misses you, just like you miss him. You’re a part of him. Right… here!” She pointed to his heart and started tickling him so he squirmed in his chair and giggled.

“Even if he was in outer space?”

“Especially in outer space! In space, you can always see the moon!” She gushed, grinning at Kurt and Blaine and mouthing ‘Thank you’.  
“DADDY!” Oliver shouted, scrambling out of his chair and running towards the man in uniform striding over to them. He dropped his bag and swept the boy into his arms and squeezed him until he screamed and writhed, pretending to try and escape but the man wouldn’t let him, and they both kept smiling and laughing.

“Hey, Oli! It’s good to see you, buddy!” They were joined by the mother, who was also pulled into a tight hug. Oliver pointed at the moon, and then down to Kurt and Blaine.

“Daddy, Daddy, look at the moon! That’s our moon! The man told me!” He tilted his head, looking at the couple his son was pointing at, and grinned, turning back to Oliver.

“And it’s the most beautiful moon I’ve ever seen!” He proceeded to smother the boy in kisses. When he protested and pulled away, the man put him down and picked up his wife instead, kissing her dramatically and romantically, and Oliver protested even more. He climbed onto his father’s arm, shouting ‘gross!’ and the three of them laughed and held each other, content that even if just for now, their family was complete.

The woman looked over to Kurt and Blaine, clinging to each other with tears rolling down their cheeks. Blaine had his arms wrapped around Kurt’s waist and his chin hooked over his shoulder. Kurt was folding his own arms over Blaine’s, and leaning his head back slightly to nuzzle against him. She smiled, and they smiled back. She nodded at something behind them, just as they heard a cough. Blaine knew that cough. It was just as tense as ever. They spun around, not even breaking contact, their eyes still glistening.

They saw a man in his late fifties. At a first glance, he was a cliché of a businessman. Expensive-looking dark grey suit, long, light brown, wool overcoat, navy silk tie. But on closer inspection he was obviously exhausted. Anyone would be bedraggled having been stuck in airports and on a plane all day. He had a 5 o’clock shadow, his hair was unkept and his clothes were rumpled. His fingers gripped tightly around the handles of his briefcase and luggage.

“Hello, Blaine. Kurt. It’s, um… Nice to see you.” He put his suitcase down and stuck out an awkward hand, and they exchanged awkward nods and awkward smiles and awkward ‘hello’s. They stood for a moment, a metre or so apart. Even Kurt and Blaine weren’t touching any more. They still couldn’t shake that feeling of discomfort around him, after all these years, after all they’d been through since. Blaine felt guilty for not being able to hold Kurt, and angry with himself for turning back into 18-year-old Blaine. He couldn’t bear that again, pretending to be someone he wasn’t, trying so hard to please everyone. Kurt placed a hand on his back and another on his arm, silently letting him know he understood and that he wasn’t angry with him. He knew Blaine would already be angry with himself; he didn’t need to add to it.

“I just remembered, I have to call my dad. Let him know what’s happening. Why don’t you go to that coffee place, and I’ll meet you there in ten? I’ll have my usual.” He kissed Blaine on the cheek. Mr Anderson looked at the floor, but it was obviously more because he felt out of place than because he was sickened by them. Kurt wandered off to find a quiet corner, leaving Blaine alone with his father for the first time in ten years.

“So, um… How long have you been here?”

“Oh, not long. Maybe ten minutes?”

“So you saw-” he nodded.

“Sweet kid.” Blaine nodded back. “Kurt was really good with him. You both were.” Blaine smiled and looked down, wringing his hands. He couldn’t help fidgeting.

“Thanks. He’s always been good with children.”

“So have you. I always thought you’d have… Oh, I mean, you know. I thought it would be a little easier than this.” Blaine swallowed. Not now. He couldn’t break down here. It was bad enough without Kurt, but with his father? No… But it was too late. His eyes were already stinging. “No, Blaine, it’ll be OK. We can fix this, whatever’s happening,” he put a hand on Blaine’s shoulder. “I’ll do what I can to help.” Blaine’s breathing became laboured, and as his father moved his hand over to his back to offer some kind of support, he grabbed him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d hugged his dad and suddenly everything was spilling onto him. He couldn’t focus on anything; his mind was flitting from one thought to the next. Kurt was calling his dad like it was the most natural thing in the world, and he was speaking to his for the first time in forever, and that little boy was so brave about being so far from his father, and his own had flown all this way because even he knew how unfair this was, and why couldn’t he hold his son like that man had held his, like his dad was holding him now, and more and more keptwashing over him. He saw her face and the bump and he felt himself being dragged away again and Kurt holding him by the car and he couldn’t stop. His father held him up and he clawed at his back, gripping onto his shoulders the way he wanted to grip onto his own family before it slipped away from him. He heard soothing whispers in his ear of “Shhh, I know, I know. I’m here. Let’s get a drink. I think we both need a coffee.” Blaine nodded into his neck, grateful for once that he was so much bigger than him  
“In a minute.”

He didn’t feel like 18-year-old Blaine. But he didn’t feel like 28-year-old Blaine, either. He felt like 5-year-old Oliver, whose big strong dad had come to make everything OK.

“Blaine, someday this’ll be you and him. I swear.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This mentions Blaine's brother, but it was written pre-Big Brother, and pre-Cooper, so he's called Luke. Not hugely important to the story, but it just explains why the name is off.

They didn’t talk as they walked to the coffee place. They didn’t talk in the line. Blaine offered to wait for the drinks while Alexander found a table, and he declined. Couldn’t miss out on silent quality time together. They stared intensely at the counter until three cups arrived and Blaine took the tray immediately. His father was about to offer, but Blaine nodded towards his hands and he realised they were full. They walked to a table in the corner, leaving a seat between them for Kurt. Blaine laughed inwardly, realising just how awkward that was going to be when he arrived, but he couldn’t exactly say ‘I’d better move, because my husband won’t want to sit by you’. It might seem rude. Mr Anderson cleared his throat, stroking his chin where stubble was forcing its way through. He slumped in his chair slightly, obviously worn out from the flight. Blaine was almost pathetically grateful to him for being there, but it didn’t fix everything.

“So, I suppose we should talk. About everything.” Blaine nodded. His dad was going to have to start, because he didn’t know where to begin. There was a long pause. “Blaine… I’m sorry.”

“OK.” He didn’t know what else to say without dissolving into ranting and crying and he couldn’t do that any more today.

“You know I regret it, right? How I was?” Blaine didn’t nod. He didn’t move. “I mean… I want to explain… I was so angry. Not at you, at me. When your mother left… I know how all this sounds, OK? I know you probably think I’m making excuses, but I’m not, because there aren’t any. I’m just trying to explain.” Blaine blinked hard and looked down.

“OK.” Alexander stared into his coffee cup and took a deep breath, just the way Blaine always did when he was trying not to do the wrong thing, when he was trying to contain himself, trying to buy time to plan what he would do next.

“When she left, I was so embarrassed. It was mortifying. I was - I was angry with her for abandoning you, I was angry with myself for not finding a way to make her stay, I was furious at everything. But mostly, I was angry that you weren’t going to have that perfect family you were supposed to have.” Blaine noticed the flecks of grey in his hair. In fact, the flecks were the dark bits. The grey had taken over. They both turned their coffee cups around without thinking. “I’d always had this picture of how things were meant to be. Me and your mother and you boys. And that day, she was just gone. I saw an empty wardrobe, only three toothbrushes left in the cup, no jewellery, no make-up, money gone. The house felt empty. I felt empty.”

“You had us, Dad.”

“I had you. I didn’t know where Lucas was half the time.”

“So you were mad at Luke, fine. Why did you take it out on me? I didn’t do anything wrong, Dad. I helped out at home, I got good grades, I did everything right. Suddenly, I like a boy and none of that meant anything.”

“That’s not fair. When you came out, I tried. You know I tried.”

“With the car?”

“Not just that, Blaine. I asked about school, about choir, I tried to help you with your homework-”

“You did before she left. After that, it was like you were gone too. Can you really blame Luke for being angry with you?” It was probably counter-productive having this conversation now, with both of them being so exhausted, but they needed to get it out of the way before they could discuss Becca. “When she walked, you took it out on me; whenever he did something wrong, you took it out on me, and I didn’t understand why. Of all the people you were supposed to be angry with, you chose to be horrible to me.” Alexander grasped his cup, staring at his hands. Blaine was right. “You were yelling at me one second and giving me the silent treatment the next. Just because he wasn’t there, you threw it all at the kid who stayed around. With all the shit he got into-”

“I know. And Blaine, when you told me you were gay, I was determined to do it right. The parent-of-a-gay-kid thing. I-I read pamphlets and called advice lines and everything. But when you told me about him-”

“His name was Kurt. It still is.”

“When you told me about Kurt, the timing couldn’t have been worse, OK? My wife had disappeared, one son was going off the rails, and the other wants to bring a boy home. We couldn’t have been more dysfunctional if we’d tried.”

“But we were functional. Kurt and me. We always were, Dad. Even now, we’re moving all over the country from some crappy play, we’re broke, and now this mess… But we’re still a team. We’re still a family.”

“I know. But with you, it felt like the last bit of my perfect family had slipped away. It used to be so different when I was your age. Someone being gay, it was awful. It was a dirty secret. Any other time, I could have dealt with it properly, I could have gotten past the initial shock, but on top of everything else it felt like the last straw. I don’t know why I reacted like I did-”

“I do. You were drunk.”

“I’ve stopped, by the way. I don’t touch it any more.”

“Well, that’s something.”

“I know it doesn’t make up for everything-”

“You want to talk about embarrassing? You know what’s mortifying? Telling your boyfriend he can’t come to your house because you’re scared of your dad. Constantly being invited to his, because his parents know you’re afraid to go home.”

“Blaine-”

“Having to ask your boyfriend to help you cover up a black eye. That’s fucking humiliating, Dad. And they didn’t ask me a single question. They knew I wouldn’t want to get you into trouble, so they just took me in. That’s what dads are supposed to be like.”

“I know-”

“I had to live in their house, eat their food, with them in my face every day. No raised voices, no awkward silences, just a perfect little family that had to look after me because mine was broken.” Both of their eyes were burning.

“Blaine, I’m so sorry. I’d give anything to go back, I hope you know that. Anything. But I can’t.”

“I do know. And I know I can’t stay angry with you, because there’s nothing we can do about it now, and I don’t have the energy, and I’m so grateful that you’re here. I know it’s complicated and that you didn’t have to come as quickly as you did, and you’ve had a long day. But if I don’t say this stuff now, I never will. And I’ve been blocking it out since I was eighteen.”

“I know.” He wasn’t avoiding his gaze any more. He was staring straight into his eyes, even though it hurt because they were both trying not to cry, because he knew he deserved to feel that pain. He knew it wasn’t fair that Blaine had been hurting because of him. He thought that if he could take some of that pain on board, maybe it wouldn’t hurt him so much. He knew it didn’t work like that, but he felt like it was all he could do.

Kurt walked towards them, but stopped a few steps away when he saw their faces. He could tell Blaine was miserable, they both were, but he had to leave them to it. He smiled when he saw them fidgeting in their seats and slowly rotating their cups in the exact same way. Under the table, he spotted their toes pushing up inside their shoes. Mr Anderson looked different to before. He’d stopped looking like a bitter, cold stranger, and started looking like an older, greyer version of Blaine. He looked exhausted, but he seemed softer somehow.  
“It just hurt. It’s obvious, but I’ve got to say it. When I moved to Dalton, at first I thought you were trying to help-”

“I was-”

“But eventually it felt like you just wanted me out of the house. Like as long as the neighbours couldn’t see me, maybe you could get away with them not knowing about me. Maybe you’d never have to deal with it.”

“Blaine, I was trying to keep you safe-”

“I know, and it worked. I was happy there, and I was grateful to you for sending me there and paying for everything, but it still felt like you were hiding me. Even then I knew it wasn’t true, but that’s still how it felt.” Kurt resisted the urge to run over and hold him. They weren’t done yet. Even though that coffee looked really good. “And I didn’t tell you about Kurt for so long. When any kid has their first boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, they’re supposed to talk to their parents about it. I always thought that would be fine with you, even if I couldn’t have it with Mom, but-” Alexander laid his hand on top of Blaine’s, stopping him from fiddling with his drink. His shoulders dropped, having been tightening the whole time they’d been sitting there.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” Blaine didn’t move his hand away. He rested his head in his other palm and a tear slowly dripped off his chin.

“It was like there was so much you wanted to say to her, but you had to take it out on me. I know it wasn’t because of Kurt, I know the gay thing was only a tiny part of it, but…” his voice wavered and he sniffed, “I was sick of feeling like I wasn’t good enough for you. I think when you hit me,” Alexander’s brow furrowed, and he swallowed. Out of everything, his failed marriage, his drinking, everything he’d done wrong, that was what he regretted the most. He’d spent countless nights crying, trying to forget it. “I think it was just the breaking point. I would’ve left sooner or later. Maybe you needed to hit your lowest point.”

“But I didn’t need to hit you. I wish… I wish I could fix this. But Blaine, there’s something I can fix.” Blaine nodded and sat up. “Tell me about her. What’s the situation?” Kurt took that as his cue to join them.

“So, what did I miss?” He slid into his seat, resting his hand on Blaine’s knee.

“We, uh… I was about to explain the Becca… Thing. Feel free to do it for me; I don’t know where to start.” Kurt took a deep breath, and began.


	12. Chapter 12

Their coffee was cold. They’d all forgotten about it as they dredged through everything that had happened in the last year. It was painful, but Alexander needed all the details so he could help them. The barista was fidgeting. She hated it being so empty, because her shift dragged, and it was even worse when she had to serve three men drink after drink and watch them all go untouched. They didn’t even notice when she made the foam into a spiral. Rude.

“And she just stood there? While they dragged you out?”

“Pretty much. She watched them pushing us around; I thought they were going to rip Blaine’s arm off.”

“The worst part is, we were in public. A hospital, of all places. There were old people and kids and everything in there, and they all saw me lose it. That can’t be good.”

“Well, it’s not ideal. And as she’s pregnant, people will probably be inclined to take her side.” Blaine leaned back, raking a hand through his hair. They were all exhausted and emotional, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d made everything ten times worse, and not just because of yesterday. Becca had been his friend, he’d trusted her enough not to use a donor egg, he’d insisted they do it with her and not with a stranger. If it all fell apart it would be his fault, and what would make it even worse is that Kurt would forgive him. Kurt and Alexander could both sense him giving up. “I know it’s hard, but please try not to panic. Legally, he’s yours. All the contracts were solid, and-”

“And biologically, she’s his mother. Who’s going to pick us over her? She’s a doctor-”

“-Surgeon. She cuts people up.”

“And we’re actors. Financially, we’re hardly secure, and we live in Manhattan-”

“She lives in San Francisco. That’s no better. And her job is demanding. You think it’ll be easy being a single mother and a surgeon? At least you two are in a stable relationship.” Kurt’s hand was on top of Blaine’s, and his finger traced over his knuckles a little faster. They never imagined he’d be saying that. “She’s got no support. You’ve got families, friends around you, and she seems to have screwed over the closest she had.” Kurt turned to Blaine.

“I’m guessing she still doesn’t talk to her mother?” Blaine shook his head.

“I mean, if we can patch things up,” he looked at his father, “I guess anything’s possible, but she couldn’t stand her. Although, she’d love a free babysitter. And I bet she’d be all over a grandson like a rash.” Alexander raised an eyebrow.

“Nope. Dibs. I’m going to have Kurt’s dad to compete with already.” He noticed the surprise on Kurt and Blaine’s faces. “I mean, if that’s OK. You know, I don’t want to rush anything-”

“No, no. We’d like that.” Blaine stayed quiet. He wasn’t agreeing, but he wasn’t objecting. He took a gulp of his cold coffee to keep his hands and mouth busy before almost spitting it straight back out.

“Oh, eurgh, that’s disgusting! How long have we been here? You know what? I can’t do this any more today.”

“Right, fair enough. There’s a hotel down the street, I’ll go and book myself a room-”

“Oh, I just meant no more coffee. No more legal talk. We need to eat something, and maybe you don’t drink, but tonight, we definitely do.”  
It didn’t take long, and they were in a quiet, simple restaurant full of businessmen waiting for flights or killing time before they retired to their hotels. Kurt offered to pay for dinner, but Alexander refused, knowing they couldn’t afford it. He gave his card to the waiter and told them to get what they wanted. They hadn’t touched the food Kurt had bought that morning; they’d been too nervous to touch it. Plus, their shower had taken longer than expected. Alexander had Boeuf Bourguignon, Blaine a burger and Kurt a roasted vegetable tart with goats cheese. He insisted that ‘it’s more filling than it looks’ and continued to steal Blaine’s fries as they talked. Considering only two of them were drinking, the first bottle of red disappeared quickly, and as they’d started with empty stomachs… The conversation was flowing a lot more easily. Alexander kept forgetting to eat his meal, distracted by his son and his husband. They never stopped talking. They would make some inside joke, and as they tried to explain it to him, they would both collapse in hysterics. Every time they took a bite, they exclaimed how good it was and insisted the other try some. Blaine missed Kurt’s mouth on purpose, splodging gravy on his jaw. Kurt slapped him away, but put up no resistance when he reached up to wipe it off with his finger. He licked it off just a little too seductively, making Kurt snort with laughter and Alexander clear his throat. There was acceptance and there was watching your son’s mating ritual. They both snapped back into vaguely acceptable behaviour, coughing and spluttering.

“Sorry, sorry. Kurt, try not to make such a mess please.” They were almost off again.

“So, Mr Ander-”

“Alexander’s fine. I don’t think we have any boundaries now.”

“Right. Alexander. What have we been missing with you? You’ve heard all about us, and it’s all just embarrassing. Blaine, did you have any idea we were such losers?” Blaine didn’t answer. “Blaine?” Kurt looked at his tilted head and followed his gaze to Alexander’s hand. He was wearing a ring. He noticed them looking and lifted his hand for a second. He then realised it was too late to hide it, and squeezed it into a fist and left it on the table.

“You… You remarried? Oh, that’s… Oh-”

“I tried to tell you. I called Kurt’s dad to ask for your address, but he wouldn’t give it to me. I don’t blame him. I tried calling you, but I figured you’d changed your number. I’m sorry.” Blaine shrugged, but still looked sad.

“Don’t be. I mean, we got married and we didn’t even try to call you.” They both looked at each other, then down at the table. After a pause, Kurt sat up.

“Anyway, what’s she like? I know stepmothers have a bad reputation, but mine’s pretty amazing.”

“She’s great. I think you’d both like her. Her name’s Stephanie. We met through work; she was actually opposing counsel. She kicked my ass, so I bought her dinner, and… Well, now she’s my wife. And, yeah, your stepmother too, I guess.”

“Right. OK. That’s really good, Dad.”

“Can we meet her?” Kurt looped his little finger under Blaine’s hand, locking them together, and looked at him. “I mean, if you want to. Only if it’s OK with you.”

“Uh… I guess…” Alexander sat forward.

“Blaine, I wasn’t going to say anything, because I know this won’t be easy for you, but - I think she could help. Just having a woman on our side could make a huge difference. Right now it’s three men against a pregnant girl.” Blaine nodded.

“I want to meet her anyway.”

“Really?”

“Yes. If she’s had anything to do with you becoming-” he gestured to his father, “this, she’s got to be pretty cool. Hopefully your taste got better after Mom.” Alexander smiled weakly.

“Definitely. No offence.”

“None taken.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but I already called her. She doesn’t know about Rebecca, but she’s getting a plane now. She’ll be here in the morning. She’s dying to meet you both. She said she’d tread carefully, and she’ll try her best, but she’s really excited, so sorry in advance if she’s kind of… Full on.” Kurt and Blaine smiled. Kurt put an arm around Blaine, gently massaging the small of his back where he knew it would be aching by now.

“So, brunch? Then we can’t drink, and we’ll focus on fixing this. And we’ll be presentable, well, more so than now. Blaine? What do you think?” Blaine was smiling. It wasn’t reserved, or tinged with sadness. He was really happy for his dad, and happy for himself because he had him back. Not the angry, distant man he knew when he was eighteen, but the funny, loving dad he missed.

“Sounds perfect. We’ll find a nice place. Somewhere not in the airport. I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Oh, Blaine, could you call me? I don’t have your number; I only have Kurt’s.”

“Oh, sure-”

“Have you got mine?”

“Yep, yeah, hold on…” He scrolled through his contacts. Alexander noticed him hiding his phone, and peered over to look at the screen.  
Calling… ASSFACE

He snorted.

“Very mature.”

“Sorry-”

“Fuck it. Sounds fair. I’ll just save you as ‘Penis’. Two can play that game.”

“How childish.”

“I’m younger than I look.” Kurt cackled. He hadn’t heard banter like this since… Well, since about twenty minutes ago. But still, it was sweet. He called the waiter over.

“I think we’re going to need another bottle of wine. And I won’t have any dessert, but he would like a Chocolate Melt with two spoons, please.”


	13. Chapter 13

Blaine was staring at the table. His eyes were wide, and his leg was practically vibrating as he fidgeted nervously.

“Blaine. Blaine!”

“Hmm?”

“You’re hurting me.”

“What? Oh, God, sorry!” Blaine loosened his grip on Kurt’s hand. Alexander and Stephanie were on their way. Kurt reached up to stroke Blaine’s hair, quickly moving his other hand so he could keep holding Blaine’s.

“You know it’s going to be OK, right? I mean, at the very least we’ve got an extra lawyer on our side. That can only be a good thing.”

“But Kurt, what if-” He paused.

“What?”

“What if she’s nice?”

“Blaine, nice is good. We want her to be nice.”

“No, I mean… What if she’s really nice and then it goes wrong? I mean, what if we stop talking again?”

“That won’t happen. We won’t let it. You saw how he was last night; she’s obviously good for him.” Blaine looked into Kurt’s eyes. His own were stinging.

“But Kurt, I can’t-” Kurt lowered his hand, rubbing Blaine’s back and pulling him closer, “I can’t lose another mom, OK?” His voice was weak and cracking, and Kurt closed his eyes tight and pulled Blaine in, kissing his hair and stroking his arm, resisting the urge to dig his fingers in and never let go. He knew that feeling. The feeling of being out on the edge, unable to stop yourself from wanting so desperately to let someone in. He’d missed his mother so much, and even though he felt guilty and scared it would all go wrong, he’d wanted to love Carole. He’d wanted to feel that warmth again, he’d wanted her to love him and treat him like a son, and he’d wanted nothing more than to let her. It felt like he was betraying his mother’s memory, and he knew it wasn’t really, but he was such a mess over it for months. And Blaine was having this thrown at him now, on top of everything with the baby, and seeing his dad again. Kurt didn’t know how he’d kept it together until now. He heard him sniff loudly, and felt him trembling in his arms. He held him tight, closing his eyes as he felt Blaine’s curls brush against his cheek.

“You won’t have to. I know it’s scary, but right now you need to pretend it’s not. Today she’s just another person. I bet in five minutes, we’ll be talking about the baby and it won’t even feel weird. Just remember your dad’s goofy smile when he was talking about her. She’ll be lovely. Hey, if she’s not then maybe she’ll be a better lawyer. But Blaine, they’re going to be here any second.” He cupped Blaine’s face, wiping a tear away with his thumb and smiling encouragingly. “Come on, you look gross when you cry. You need to make a better impression than that.” He picked up his napkin and dabbed at Blaine’s eyes. He smiled.

“Thank you, Kurt. I just, I-”

“No, no, no more of that. She’s an attorney, remember? Toughen up.” He kissed his forehead and they both took a deep breath. Blaine took a big gulp of coffee and stretched his arms out in front of him. Kurt hated changing the subject like that; he wished he could talk him through it properly, but it was more important that Stephanie met them at their strongest. Just at that moment, they heard a bell ring as Alexander walked in, holding hands with a woman. She was the same height as him, with a long, blonde ponytail and a light grey, perfectly-fitting suit underneath a bright red coat that went down to her knees. Her lips were red to match. Nobody would’ve guessed she’d just been on an overnight flight. Kurt resisted the urge to say how fabulous she looked. She whispered to Alexander, looking around nervously. He laughed, putting an arm around her waist and kissing her cheek. Blaine had never seen him smile like that. He and Kurt both stood up, giving a little wave. She patted Alexander on the arm and he looked up at them, nodding to her. They could see him say ‘Yeah, that’s them’, and she smiled a little too widely and waved back. She was every bit as scared as they were.

A minute or two later, they walked over to the table with drinks. Black coffee for him, a cookie and a hot chocolate for her, with cream and marshmallows. Kurt raised his eyebrows. That wasn’t exactly what he expected a lawyer to drink. She raised a hand apologetically.

“I know, it doesn’t exactly look professional, but this isn’t a normal business meeting. When I’m nervous, I need chocolate. Stephanie.” 

She held her hand out, smiling warmly. If it hadn’t been for the hot drink on the tray in her other hand, Blaine would’ve hugged her right there. Instead he took her hand, speechless, smiling, relieved. She was nice. Kurt took over, knowing Blaine would be overwhelmed.

“Hi, I’m Kurt, and obviously, this is Blaine.”

“Wow, Alex, you two look so alike!”

“Don’t they? It’s so great to meet you. I can’t believe you got a flight so quickly, you know you didn’t have to-”

“Are you kidding? He’s been talking about how much he misses Blaine for years. They finally patched things up; no way am I waiting back home.” Alexander looked around awkwardly. He hoped it would go without saying that he’d missed him. Blaine caught his eye, more surprised than he should have been. Kurt offered Stephanie a seat next to him.

“Well, he’s pretty great. I’d miss him too.” They smiled at each other. Stephanie managed to hold in an ‘Awww’, knowing better than to patronize them.

“I wish we could have a real talk and do all of this right. I know you don’t know a lot about me, and this whole situation is just weird and awful. But Alex just explained everything to me, the whole Rebecca thing.” Blaine saw her take his dad’s hand absent-mindedly, like she needed to hold on to him to calm down. She shook her head and shrugged, momentarily lost for words. “Fuck.” She plucked a tiny marshmallow from the top of her drink, licking the cream off it before popping it in her mouth. “I’ll be more articulate about it later, don’t panic. But… Fuck. It’s unbelievable.” Everyone nodded. They didn’t need to add anything. ‘Fuck’ pretty much summed it up. “We can fix it, though. And not just because I want you to like me or anything, although I’m guessing it can’t hurt, but she can’t get away with this. No way.”

“We just don’t know what to do. Can we really fight her?”

“Do you have a contract?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“No buts. Legally, that baby is yours.”

“But biologically-” Kurt put his hand on Blaine’s.

“He’s ours, Blaine.”

“Kurt’s right.” Stephanie was determined. “She has zero claim here. Biology has nothing to do with it. Billions of people procreate. Kids are born every day to people who don’t deserve them, and they get crappy lives where they aren’t loved like they should be.” Blaine looked at his father, expecting another awkward moment between them, but instead he was looking at Stephanie, putting his hand on her lower back, wrapping her hand up in his as her eyes got narrower and her voice sterner. Kurt looked to Blaine to make sure he wasn’t imagining the tension. They were both suddenly on edge, trying to figure out what was happening. “You can’t define somebody by how their body works. Having a uterus didn’t stop Rebecca from running away. Biology didn’t stop your mother from walking out on you- oh God, Blaine, I-I’m sorry, I-”

“Am I missing something? Did something happen?” She closed her eyes and shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter. The point is, it’s not about biology. That’s the easy part. Any idiot can get pregnant; It’s about the next step that matters. Any idiot can tell you’re dying to hold this baby. Just to see it, and take it home, and be a family. And she had no right to take that away from you.”

She wasn’t smiling or worrying about making a good impression any more. She was angry. Alex’s arm reached up to rub her shoulder, and her hand crossed her chest to meet it. She took a deep breath and looked at him, a faint smile returning to her lips.

“You know what? I think all this chocolate first thing was a bad idea. Post-flight madness. I need something savoury first. Give me a second; I’m going to get a bagel.” She kissed Alex on the cheek, glanced at Kurt and Blaine apologetically, and walked over to the counter. Alex watched her go, and when he turned back to the table there were two concerned faces staring back at him.

“I guess I should explain-”

“Is she OK? Mr – Alex, did something happen?”

“It actually happened before I met her, with her first husband. They tried to have kids for a long time, then when she finally got pregnant, there were complications. The pregnancy was ectopic.” Kurt’s face fell immediately, but Blaine was still confused.

“What does that mean?”

“It just meant the baby couldn’t survive. They had to remove one of her fallopian tubes, but during surgery things kept going wrong, and she ended up having a hysterectomy.” Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand.

“So she can’t have kids?” Alex shook his head.

“It was terrible, and it was basically what tore her marriage apart. But now it kind of helps her. After everything she went through trying to have a family, she chose to specialize in family law. She just likes making sure kids are brought up by the right people. That’s why-”

“That’s why she wants to help us?”

“Not just that-”

“Not just what?” Stephanie was back, with a salmon and cream cheese bagel in her hand.

“I’m sorry, I had to explain-” She stroked his hair lightly, sliding back into her seat.

“I was kind of hoping you would. Otherwise they’d just think I was crazy. But no, that’s not the only reason I’m doing this. We both want to help you because it’s the right thing to do. You know that, right? You know she’s in the wrong?”

“Of course we do; it’s just…” After a pause, Blaine found the words Kurt couldn’t.

“It’s just that in my head, she’s still my friend. I’ve spent four months thinking she’d be miserable, and being sure it was my fault. It feels wrong being mad at her. I feel like I should still be apologising. And this way she’ll be just as miserable as we would have been. As we were.” She looked straight into his eyes. She wasn’t angry now. She wasn’t upset. She was in control, and even more determined than before.

“You’ve done nothing wrong. Neither of you have. Anyone who would try to take a baby away from someone else shouldn’t be a parent. She has no right.”

“I’m sorry,” Kurt practically whispered, tentatively laying a hand on her arm, “about what happened. It must have been so hard.”

“Well, it was. But if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met Alex.” He smiled and squeezed her knee. “And I wouldn’t be here, helping you. Like I said, family’s about more than that.”

Blaine couldn’t help smiling. They were giving each other the same looks he spotted Kurt giving him when he thought he wouldn’t notice. The way he probably looked at Kurt without even meaning to. That’s when he realised, if Becca hadn’t done what she’d done, he might never have seen his father again. He might never have seen him smile like that. And if they could get the baby back, it might actually be worth it.


	14. Chapter 14

Stephanie gave three sharp knocks on the door. Just hearing the female voice call ‘Yes?’ made her angry, but she took a deep breath and stepped inside. She made Alex wait in the hall, knowing he might not be able to control himself. This was her niche, anyway.

“Good morning, Dr Harris.” Rebecca looked up from her paperwork and frowned at her.

“Do I know you?”

“No,” Stephanie replied, fixing her with a cool stare, “but I know all about you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m sorry. That was rude. My name’s Stephanie.” She held out a hand, and Rebecca stood up and took it warily. “Stephanie Anderson.” Rebecca’s eyes widened. She instinctively pulled her hand back and used it to hold her swollen stomach. “Don’t worry; I’m not here to start a fight. You don’t need anyone to drag me out.” She set her briefcase on the floor and took her coat off, hanging it on the rack by the door. “Sorry, it’s boiling in here. Don’t you hate when that happens? You prepare for January weather, and suddenly you’re in an oven. I hope you don’t mind if I make myself comfortable.” Rebecca was speechless. Stephanie smoothed her waistcoat and sat opposite her. “You needn’t look so scared. I only want to talk to you. I’m sure you can guess what it’s about.”

“You can’t-”

“Can’t what? Sit down? Take off my coat? No, Rebecca – I assume I can call you Rebecca – I think right now you should let me talk.” Rebecca sat down. She couldn’t look away from the woman in front of her. “First of all, no, I’m not Blaine’s mother. I’m his step-mother. More importantly than that, I’m a lawyer, but hopefully that won’t have to come into play. Even though I’m a very good one. Rebecca, I believe you have something that doesn’t belong to you. Am I correct in thinking that you signed a contract, promising that you would be a surrogate for two of your friends? That you would carry their baby to term,” Rebecca opened her mouth to argue but Stephanie raised a hand to stop her, “knowing that after nine months you would have to give that baby to them?”

Rebecca nodded, unsure whether or not she was allowed to speak.

“Now, stop me if I’m wrong; I admit I’ve only heard one side of the story, but is it true that you lied to them about having miscarried, and proceeded to move to another state? Still pregnant with their child? Feel free to argue.” Rebecca mumbled something under her breath. “I didn’t quite catch that, Dr Harris.”

“He’s my baby. I’m his mother. Do you think you can just take him away?”

“I could ask you the same question.” Rebecca bowed her head slightly, but kept eye contact with Stephanie. She didn’t have a choice. “So, congratulations. You got pregnant. So did a million other women. You’re up there with teenagers and prostitutes and drunk women. Any idiot can get pregnant; it doesn’t make you anything special. It’s just something that happened to you. It’s the choices you make that show who you are. Deciding to help your best friends have a baby? That was pretty special. That’s an amazing thing to do.”

“Are you done?”

“You know what else is amazing? Becoming a surgeon. Especially one so highly ranked. Your own office, that little sign telling me that you’re head of your department, it’s all very impressive.”

“What’s your point?” She was glaring now, but still not looking away.

“My point, Rebecca, is that this took a lot more work to achieve. And it could all disappear. Are you planning on retiring to look after the baby? Or get a nanny?”

“I’ll get help. I’m going part-time.”

“I can’t imagine that’ll do your reputation much good. Head of Surgery sounds like a full-time position to me.”

“They can’t fire me for having a baby; it’s illegal.” Stephanie raised an eyebrow.

“Because people never break the law, right? If one person can do it, a hospital can. They’ll have pretty good representation, I expect. Actually, I know. I’ve worked for them before. Apparently they can afford the best.”

“What the hell is this? You think you can scare me into giving him up? I’ll go to another hospital. I disappeared once; I can do it again.”

“That might be hard. I don’t know if you’ve heard of Stone, Fields and Crewe. They’re a legal firm based in Washington. My firm. I was actually relieved when I re-married. Stephanie Stone isn’t a name that always gets taken seriously.” Rebecca’s brow furrowed and her breathing was less calm. “You may be aware that we actually have numerous branches. We represent a lot of hospitals. Or we at least know people who do.” She noticed Rebecca frowning. “I’m sorry; I don’t want to worry you. It’s not healthy, in your condition.”

“So I have to choose between my career and my son? Like that’s a choice?”

“No. For a start, he’s not your son. He’s theirs. And you know that. I want you to make a choice between doing the right thing, and not, but if I have to make that decision easier, I’m more than happy to do so. You have no right to stop them from being a family, Rebecca. You can fix this.” Rebecca stood up.

“And you can get the hell out of my office. You’re not the only one with friends, you know.” Stephanie calmly, slowly, stood up as well.

“Maybe not. But I’ve never stolen children from any of mine. Never mind this place, you might have to leave the country to work again.”

“Fuck you. You can’t just ambush me like this.”

“Like your friends ambushed Kurt and Blaine and pulled them out? Like you ambushed them with colleagues, making them lie to your best friends? That doesn’t look good, does it? Implicating your place of work… Bad idea. And if we sue them, guess who they’re going to come after?”

“Stop it.”

“I’m just telling you everything you need to know. We can get the baby back when he’s born, and you can still have your life. You can keep everything you’ve worked for. Or we can fight you for him later, win, and destroy you.” She plucked her coat from the rack and folded it over her arm, and picked up her briefcase. It was empty. She didn’t need paper to make her point. “I know you’re not a bad person, Rebecca. I know how it feels, knowing he’s there, feeling him move. But they deserve him. They can’t lose him again.”

“I want you to leave. You can expect a call from my lawyer. He’s good.” Stephanie took a deep breath. She wasn’t smug or bitchy. She just told her, in a very matter-of-fact way:

“He probably already has my number. Good afternoon, Dr Harris.” She turned, her hair flicking behind her, and made her way down the hallway to meet her husband who had been listening the whole time. He was biting his lip, because even though he knew he should be taking this seriously, and he was, God that was why he’d fallen for her in the first place. She didn’t smile, but nodded at him as if to say ‘I know. We’ve got this.’

“Wow.”

“Let’s get out of here. I believe I am awaiting a phone call.”


	15. Chapter 15

Kurt and Blaine were sitting on their bed, holding hands, waiting for Stephanie and Alexander to get back. All she’d said on the phone was ‘It could have been worse. I’ll fill you in properly later. Try not to worry’ and of course worrying was all they’d done since. Blaine’s leg was trembling again, and Kurt rested his head on his shoulder. As he smiled at him and kissed his hair, he realised he’d been holding his breath for almost a minute. For once, they could barely think of anything to say to each other.

“I’m sure it’ll… I bet she’s…” Kurt looked up at Blaine, who looked back at him and took a deep breath in and out. “God, Kurt, I really hope this works.”

“I know. Me too. I know we should prepare for the worst-“

“But we’ve both spent all this time missing him. We can’t go through all of this-“

“It’ll work. It has to.”

“You know we shouldn’t get our hopes up.”

“But do you think Stephanie would let us get our hopes up if she didn’t think she had this? I know this week has been a total mess. I know that you didn’t think you’d see your dad again, and that these circumstances aren’t ideal… but maybe they’re actually perfect? I mean, what if you get him back, and you get Stephanie, and we get the baby? I mean, it’s like your family’s doubled in a second.” Blaine frowned. He looked at the floor for a second, then back up to Kurt, his eyes widening and his grip on his hand getting tighter. “Blaine?”

“You’re right. It could work. It could actually work, and we could go back to New York with a baby. With our baby. Our son. Oh my God, you and me and a little boy. Can you imagine it?”

Kurt smiled.

“I can’t imagine anything else.”

There was a knock at the door. They both jumped up and Kurt ran to answer it. This door didn’t stick like the one in their previous room; Alexander had paid for them to stay in the same hotel as him and Stephanie – on different floors, thankfully. They were getting on just fine without overhearing any… noises. Alex burst in, grinning so excitedly that he looked like Blaine again. Stephanie followed calmly, trying not to laugh at him.

“You should have seen her! I didn’t even see her, she just… wow, I don’t even know what to say. For a start, she deserves a fucking medal for not punching her, but she was just so cool and smart and such a badass. If I were Rebecca I’d be shitting myself right now. I’d be squeezing that baby out and handing it right over. God.” He grabbed Kurt without thinking and hugged him. Kurt stiffened for a second, surprised, then hugged him back timidly, looking back at Blaine, who shrugged, fighting back a laugh. “Boys, do you know what this means? She’s got no chance. He’s as good as yours.” He finally released Kurt without even noticing that he’d lifted him off the ground, and walked back to Stephanie, sweeping her up and kissing her cheek. She screamed with laughter.

“Alex, put me down! You’re too old for that!” He did what she asked and tried to catch his breath.

“I am old. I’m so old I’m almost a grandfather. Three days ago I was barely even a dad, and now this? Holy crap.” He walked over to Blaine, suddenly oddly hesitant. He paused, and laid a firm hand on his shoulder. Blaine snorted and threw his arms around him.

“Thank you,” he craned his neck to see Stephanie, “both of you.” She smiled.

“Well, we’re still not there yet. We have to have some meetings to try and put an end to this. You two have to stay away from the hospital, away from Becca, so it doesn’t look like you’re harassing her. You need to be model citizens.” She flinched as her phone started ringing in her bag. She fumbled a little reaching for it; apparently she was more nervous than she let on. She raised an eyebrow when she saw the screen, but answered it anyway. “Good afternoon, Stephanie Anderson speaking. Oh, Scott, good to hear from you. Am I right in assuming this isn’t a social call?” She breathed slowly, looking concerned as the voice responded. “Right. Of course we’ll come to you. Yes, ten sounds perfect. We’ll see you there.”

The three men looked at her expectantly.

“Well?” asked Kurt, his fingertips reaching for Blaine’s wrist only for him to grab his hand.

“The good news is, I know him. The bad news is, he’s good. We’re having a meeting tomorrow.”

“Is he kidding? How the hell are we supposed to be ready by then? Wait, how is he- oh.”

Blaine turned to Alexander, worried.

“Oh? What does ‘oh’ mean?”

“Blaine, he knows the case. Becca’s been preparing for this. We’re meeting in a conference room at the hospital, which is exactly what I would’ve done in their position. Minimal notice, and we’re bang in the middle of her comfort zone. I know it’ll be weird going back there, but I take back what I said before. You have to come too, and I’m sure it goes without saying, but you have to stay calm. You’re the victims in this, remember. I know you want to act all strong and brave in this, but the best thing you can do in there is show as much emotion as possible.”

They looked at each other before reluctantly turning back to Stephanie. They had to save that for tomorrow. If they opened the floodgates now, they’d probably shrivel up with dehydration before dinner.

“So tonight, just dinner and a movie. Relax. Try not to think about it and get an early night. We’ll come and get you at nine so you can prepare yourselves and get to the hospital.” She looked down at their hands, which were desperately clutching at each other. She stepped towards them and put one hand on Blaine’s arm and the other on Kurt’s cheek. “It’s OK. Scoot’s good, but I’m better. We need to go; we have a lot of work to do. But call me if you have any questions. We’ll be down in the restaurant drowning in paperwork.” They each breathed out a single laugh. She pulled them into a hug, the three of them closing their eyes as Alexander smiled and put a hand on the small of Stephanie’s back.

“I promise we haven’t flown all this way for nothing, boys. We’ll see you tomorrow.” He nodded cordially at Kurt and Blaine, smiling warmly. He thought she’d probably hugged them enough for both of them.

As soon as they’d gone, Kurt flopped back onto the bed.

“Oh my God, Blaine. I feel like this week is never going to end,” he noticed Blaine tapping furiously at his phone. “What are you doing?”  
“She told us to get dinner. How does Chinese sound?”

Kurt smiled and sat up.

“I don’t care, as long as they deliver wine too. Two nights in a row is probably bad, but it’s been a weird couple of days.” Blaine slipped his phone into his pocket and climbed onto the bed behind Kurt, kneeling so that he was pressed up close to him and wrapping his arms around him. He buried his nose in the side of his neck, and Kurt reached up to hold onto the arms that were folded across his chest and sighed. “Blaine, can we just…”

“Sure. Food can wait.” Kurt laughed.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that before.”

“Well, I have to prioritize. Family first. Anyway, pretty soon we might have to set an example, and I need to start earlier. I’ve got more work to do. We can’t all be born perfect like you.”

Blaine slipped his hands down to Kurt’s waist and kissed the top of his head then shuffled back to lean against the headboard and Kurt crawled over and sunk back against him, resting his head on his chest and a hand on his stomach. It was nice to just stop and breathe and feel Blaine do the same. He closed his eyes and lazily kissed his chest.

“Blaine?”

“Mmm?”

“Will this be enough?”

“Will what be enough?”

“This… us… me.” Blaine looked down and took Kurt’s hand.

“Kurt-“

“I mean, it might still go wrong. She said this guy’s good, and he’s had more time – I’m just worried about afterwards. We’d have to go home, just the two of us, no baby. What if we never have a family… will this be enough?”

Blaine pulled Kurt in tighter, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead.

“Kurt, we do have a family. This, you and me, this is my family. You’ve been my family for over ten years. Nothing’s going to change that. As long as I keep coming home to you, and keep getting to hold you like this, I’ll have more than I’ll ever need. I need you, Kurt. You’ve always been more than enough.”

Blaine meant it and Kurt thought it too, but it didn’t stop them hoping. Kurt was picturing Blaine holding the baby, Blaine zooming a spoon towards a toddler’s mouth and making stupid aeroplane noises, Blaine and a little boy, both of them covered in paint trying to make Christmas cards. Blaine imagined Kurt singing and rocking him to sleep in the middle of the night, Kurt teaching him how to read, Kurt letting him lick the bowl after spending a whole day baking with him. They both imagined taking him for a walk in the park, all wrapped up in coats and scarves, the three of them holding hands. At first they tried to push the images down as they flashed into their minds, but then they remembered what Stephanie had said about showing their emotions. They let the pictures wash over them and let themselves believe it was all possible.

They didn’t get dinner. They didn’t watch a movie. They fell asleep dreaming of the family they had already and the one that was being dangled in front of them and knew either way they’d be happy. But they definitely both had a favourite option.


	16. Chapter 16

The four of them stood outside the hospital. Two couples holding hands and a father and son exchanging nervous glances. Stephanie looked across at Kurt and Blaine.

“We should go in. We don’t want to be late.”

Kurt nodded.

“We know. Just… give us a second.”

She nodded back. They all took a synchronized deep breath, staring at the glass sliding doors.

“Come on,” Alex put an encouraging hand on Blaine’s shoulder, “The sooner we go in…” Blaine nodded. The sooner they went in, the sooner they could leave, hopefully with some kind of agreement.

The conference room was intimidating. It looked so official and grand, with a long mahogany table in the centre. Becca was sitting behind it, next to a man in his mid-thirties, with a dark suit and darker hair. Kurt and Blaine almost laughed; he looked like a cartoon villain, but one look at Becca and the bump put a stop to it. Every thought from last night, from the last nine months, hit them at once and they staggered to their seats and tried to catch their breath. The man in the suit stood up and offered a hand. Blaine hesitated before he took it, reluctant to let go of Kurt.

“Good morning. Scott Waverley. I know what you’re thinking – and no, not like the book. My parents had no idea why it had a ring to it. Let me guess… you’re Kurt, and you must be Blaine. I’d recognise those Anderson eyebrows anywhere.” They glanced at each other. He was being disarmingly nice. He was supposed to be evil. Becca didn’t stand. She stayed in her seat and stared at the table. Blaine sat opposite her, with Kurt on his right and Stephanie on his left, facing Scott head on.

“Good morning, Scott. How’s Nancy?” They were both being eerily polite.

“Oh, she’s great. We’re actually going to Barcelona next month; I’m surprised she hasn’t already started packing.”

“We went last year; it was divine. The architecture was breath-taking. But I take it this means you don’t want to get stuck in a lawsuit for too long.”

“I can’t imagine this would take such a long time, Stephanie.” Becca looked at him nervously. He clearly hadn’t discussed tactics with her. It’s clear what you’re trying to do. Your clients ambushed a heavily pregnant woman in her place of work demanding her child. This case wouldn’t even make it past summary judgement; it’ll get laughed out in a heartbeat.” He wasn’t smiling at Kurt and Blaine any more. His face had hardened, as had Stephanie’s. She clasped her hands on the desk, the epitome of calm apart from her knuckles whitening.

“Scott. It’s. Their. Baby.”

“Has either of them carried that baby to term? Have they felt it move and grow every day for the last eight months? No contract in the world will get a child taken from its mother, especially one who is an upstanding member of her community and a highly paid, skilled professional such as Dr Harris.”

“Dr Harris knew exactly what she was getting into when she signed on for this. She knew she would have to give him up. She had no right to leave. Never mind ‘upstanding member of the community’; I don’t know what that community would think if they knew she’d kidnapped the child of her two best friends. Because that’s what this is, Mr Waverley. Kidnapping.”

“She’s the biological mother, Stephanie…”

“Mrs Anderson, please. We are not on the same side in this. She is not a parent. A parent wouldn’t take a baby away from its rightful family.”

Blaine couldn’t stop staring at Rebecca. He hoped she would look back at him with just the slightest apology in her eyes, but she stared at the desk, her hands, the bump. She looked everywhere but at Blaine and Kurt.

“How can you just sit there, Becca?”

Stephanie laid a hand on his.

“Blaine, don’t…”

“How can you listen to this? Do you even hear what he’s saying?” Kurt tried to shush him, but he couldn’t stop. “You can’t even look at me, can you?” His voice was a whimper, barely audible. “I was there. I… I sat on that bed with you, and I held your hand, and I had to tell Kurt. I had to let him know that we’d lost the baby, and the whole time, you knew it wasn’t gone. You knew you were wrong, like you know you’re wrong now, and you kept lying to my face, and now you can’t even look at me?” Becca squeezed her eyes shut. Blaine noticed a tear clinging to her eyelashes.

“Blaine…” Scott tried to interject. He wanted to point out that his client was being put under stress, that Blaine was harassing her, but even he couldn’t quite bring himself to say anything. Blaine hadn’t raised his voice to her once. He was just as tearful as she was.

“No. You’re not on first name terms with me either. If I say one thing that isn’t true, you’re welcome to stop me. But you’re not. Because you know that you’re wrong, that you were my best friend and that you took our baby from us. You know you broke our hearts and now can’t even look at us.” Kurt sniffed, squeezing Blaine’s hand and wiping a tear from his cheek with his sleeve. Stephanie put a hand on Blaine’s shoulder.

“Blaine.” He tore his gaze away from Becca to look at his stepmother, and seeing his eyes full of tears and anger and desperation was almost too much for her. She looked back at Waverley. “I think we need a minute.” He was about to protest but she didn’t let him. “You’re giving us a minute, Scott. I think they’ve been screwed around enough.” She loosely wrapped an arm around Blaine, easing him out of his seat. Alexander and Kurt each took a deep breath in and stood up, following the others out of the conference room. Kurt swept up to Blaine the second they were in the hall, and Alexander did the same to Stephanie. Kurt managed to ignore his hatred of hospitals and the memories he associated with them and pulled Blaine close, letting his hair soak up his tears. Neither of them could speak. They just stood there.

Alexander held Stephanie’s hands and bobbed his head down to look into her eyes. She was blinking furiously. She’d been dealing with cases just like this for years, but never one this close. Alex moved one hand up to stroke her hair and stepped forwards so their foreheads were just touching.

“You’re doing really well, honestly. I mean, it looked like you were getting through. Both of you.” He looked over to Blaine, who didn’t even open his eyes. The tears never made it out. He was too angry.

They all flinched when they hear a slight creak as the door opened. Becca walked out, swollen stomach emerging first. Waverley followed her, obviously not happy about her coming out.

“Becca, you don’t have to…”

“Yes I do. Blaine, Kurt, I know you won’t believe me, but for what it’s worth, I really am sorry. If I could just…”

“You can.”

“Alex-” Stephanie tried to stop him, but it was no use.

“There’s no ‘if’ involved. You have the power to fix everything and you’re not doing it. You’ve got your asshole lawyer in our faces, while he,” he pointed at Blaine, “he begs you to change your mind. How are you going to look at yourself? Even if you win, which is pretty fucking unlikely, you’ll live every day knowing you’ve got a kid that isn’t yours.” Becca’s breathing sped up, and she turned to Scott.  
“I want to go. I thought I could do this today, but I just can’t. I- I want to go home, OK?” Kurt’s eyes widened.

“No-”

“Look, I know you’re mad at me but you can’t tell me what to do. I’m going home; I just need to get out of here-”

“But Becca-”

“What? Hasn’t he said enough?”

“Becca, I… I think your water just broke.” She looked down and saw the wet floor.

“Fuck.” It was all she could say. It was all any of them could say. And they all did. Waverley was the first one to break the chain of swearing.

“Well, I guess it’s a good thing that we decided to meet in a hospital?”

“Is that supposed to be funny?” Becca snapped.

“I don’t know; it was supposed to break the tension. So, it seems weird asking the person in labour, but where’s the maternity ward?” She sighed with exasperation, before waddling awkwardly down the corridor. Scott kept up with her, while the others hung back.

“Blaine. It’s early. He’s early.” Kurt looked back to Alex and Stephanie, who suddenly became ‘the grown ups’. “That’s bad isn’t it?” 

Stephanie bit her lip. Alex rushed over to him to calm him down.

“Not these days. Especially not if you’re already in a hospital.” Blaine put a hand on Kurt’s waist.

“He’s right; and it’s only three weeks. Babies are born earlier than that every day and they’re fine. Right?” Alex nodded. “Dad…”

“Yeah?”

“Is there any way I could have… I mean, if I stressed her out, you don’t think…”

“No, Blaine. This isn’t your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong. But we… we should follow them. We don’t know how much time we have.”

“Actually-” they all turned to look at Stephanie, “I don’t know if we should stay here.” They all frowned.

“Well, we can’t do a lot in some random corridor…”

“But, Alex, technically they’re still suing her. Hanging outside the room while she’s in labour isn’t exactly ‘keeping a distance’. I know, it’s horrible and you just want to be there, but I’ll stay. You can all get some food or something, and I’ll keep you updated.”

They didn’t want food. They didn’t want to leave. But Alexander ushered them out, despite being just as disappointed as they were, because he knew Stephanie was right. He lingered behind for a second to kiss her on the cheek. She smiled at him.

“Don’t worry. The second anything happens, I’ll let you know.”


	17. Chapter 17

“So,” Kurt attempted to break the tension, “This coffee’s disgusting.” Blaine just looked at him and raised his eyebrows. They couldn’t help smiling at each other, at the ridiculousness of this entire situation. Here they were, with Blaine’s estranged father, sipping coffee while somewhere their son, who they thought they’d lost months ago, was being born.

“I guess in some ways it’s nice that you’re missing it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s gross. I remember when Luke was born, and there was blood and screaming and my hand got crushed. It was like a war zone. I’d never felt so helpless. The doctors kept rolling their eyes at me like I was just some idiot in their way, and I guess they were right. I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t much more use when we got him home; I was still clueless.”

Kurt leaned forward.

“What about when Blaine was born? What was that like?”

Blaine looked at Alexander and they both smiled.

“It was actually kind of amazing. I guess it helped that your mother had an epidural so she wasn’t screaming so much, but somehow it felt different. Your brother was… a surprise, and obviously we loved him, but we wanted you so badly. I felt ready. I couldn’t wait to have a squirming little bundle in my arms again, screaming and peeing everywhere. I think the best moment, the day we bonded or whatever, it was the first time I was alone in the house with you. Luke was at some birthday party and your mom had gone out for lunch with her friends, and I just sat with you. You must’ve been a week old, and I sat on the couch, feet up, with you on my lap, and it was like we were just hanging out. I could have stared at your eyes for hours. You were just gazing up at me, like you totally trusted me. It’s weird being responsible for someone else like that. As far as you were concerned, right then and there, the world began and ended with me. It’s hard to explain; I know that sounds selfish-”

“No it doesn’t.” Kurt smiled at him. “God, this is ridiculous. How am I tearing up again?”

“Well, if you’re sick of crying, you definitely don’t want to be in there. You’d both be a mess.”

His phone vibrated on the table. They all stared at it for a second. Alex grabbed for it and knocked it off the table. He jumped out of his seat to pick it up and stabbed at the screen to answer it.

“Hello? What’s happened? It can’t be over yet- what? Really?”

“Dad, what’s happening?” He shushed them and listened for a minute. He nodded, looking serious, said goodbye and hung up. He turned back to Kurt and Blaine to see them on the edge of their seats, staring up at him.

“It’s Becca, she, uh… she wants you. She wants both of you down there.” Kurt’s hand crept instinctively towards Blaine’s.

“Is something wrong?”

“Not exactly… she’s going for a C-section. Apparently the baby’s heart rate is a little high so they’re just going to get him out as quickly as possible.”

They jumped out of their seats but before they could run off Alex put a hand on each of their shoulders.

“Listen to me. I know you want to scream and panic and fight to get him back, but right now you just need to be strong for him. Actually, you need to be strong for Becca. She doesn’t have anyone with her; that’s why she’s asking for you. Right now she’s not the woman who betrayed you. She’s a woman who’s scared and in pain and all alone. So you’re going to do the right thing and sit with her, because you’re all she’s got.”

They nodded, grasping each other’s hands a little tighter. They turned and followed signs for the maternity ward.

***

“Hi, we need to see Becca- Rebecca Harris. She asked for us.”

The nurse raised one eyebrow at them suspiciously.

“Are you relatives?”

They looked at each other, not sure what to call themselves. Luckily, another nurse came bustling round the corner. She was chubby and her cheeks were flushed; she’d obviously been looking for them.

“Are you Blaine and Kurt?” They nodded. “Right, good, just this way. It’s a good thing you’re here, she’s not dealing with this tremendously well- but don’t tell her I said that. She’s fine. Just… just come quickly.” Kurt and Blaine smirked at each other. She must’ve been a surgical nurse, because she was scared shitless of Becca. But knowing that reminded them. Surgery.

After what felt like an eternity, they finally reached her room. Stephanie was sitting outside.

“I’m not allowed in. She only wants you two.”

They had to throw some scrubs on, which was something of a relief as they’d been in the same outfits since they’d been in San Francisco. Blaine led the way into the room. It was cold and clinical, and he saw Becca’s head bob up from her bed. She looked terrified, and her hair was plastered across her forehead with sweat.

“Blaine? Thank you so much, I’m sorry, I just, I didn’t know who else-”

“I know,” he said soothingly, rushing to her side. He grabbed her hand as a curtain was assembled over her chest. “It’s fine, I’m here now. None of that matters as long as you’re both safe, OK?” She nodded, tears mingling with the sweat on her red cheeks and he kissed her head and took her hand. Kurt stood just behind him, scared of getting in the way.

“You know, Becca, they do these all the time…” he blinked and shook his head as he realised who he was talking to. “Well, of course you know. You probably do them, but I mean, they’re your staff so they must be pretty good, right?” She nodded again, even laughed slightly. Kurt walked nervously to her other side and took her hand and stroked her hair. It all felt so familiar, as if nothing had gone wrong and they were all where they were supposed to be.

“Kurt?” He nodded at Becca, eager to do anything he could to help. “Could you look? You know, behind the curtain?”

“I- I wouldn’t know what I was looking for-”

“Please, Kurt. I just want someone at that end. Don’t worry, my lady parts aren’t even involved any more. Just look out for him.” Kurt and Blaine snorted, still finding her funny despite everything, and he nodded and stood up. As soon as he peered behind the curtain he winced. Blaine looked up, worried.

“What? What is it?”

“Gross. No offence Becca, I’m sure as insides go yours are great, but… gross. Just red everywhere, and-” He went silent. He was dumbstruck.

“Is something wrong?”

“Kurt, you’re terrible at this. Update us.”

Kurt tried to find some words, but his mouth hung open as someone else answered for him. And he didn’t use words. He just cried. One scream and Kurt, Blaine and Becca were all rendered speechless. A man in scrubs emerged from behind the curtain holding a tiny, wriggling, screaming creature and held him up to Becca’s head for a moment.

“Here he is.” Even behind his mask he was obviously smiling. She stared at the baby, barely able to breathe. She clamped her mouth shut, her lips trembling and reached up to touch his hand with her forefinger. They all took in every detail, his fingernails, his eyelashes, his toes, his wrists, and they forgot every argument and every tear and every bit of pain. They just saw this perfect, tiny boy and it was all gone. Kurt and Blaine felt more complete and content than they knew was possible. Becca trembled as the baby was whisked off to be cleaned up and weighed, and she glanced at Kurt. He knew what to do immediately and went after the baby, right after pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and smiling at Blaine. Whoever he went home with, he was here, and he was healthy. Blaine stayed at her side and kissed her hand.

“Blaine-”

“I know. I’m not going anywhere.” He pressed his forehead against hers and their tears mixed together on their skin. He’d missed holding this hand, whether it was dragging him through the city at 3am to a club or stroking it as he cried drunkenly about missing Kurt. He’d missed having her as his best friend. He felt Kurt’s hand on his back.

“They’re taking him out to that room, you know, the… the one with all the babies. I’ll go, just to keep an eye on him.” He smiled sheepishly at Blaine who knew he just wanted to stare helplessly at the baby. He didn’t blame him, and smiled back. Kurt bent down to where Blaine was kneeling by the bed and kissed his cheek, lingering for a minute and cupping his head in his hand. He swallowed hard and followed one of the nurses outside, looking back to see his husband, who was smiling earnestly at Becca. Only Blaine could smile at a person like that after everything she’d done.


	18. Chapter 18

Becca was rushed to a different room so she could be ‘stitched back together’, as she put it. Blaine knew she couldn’t feel anything, but that didn’t stop him cringing at the thought of it. They didn’t let him stay with her, but he waited patiently outside. She fell asleep almost straight away. It had been an exhausting few hours. After thirty minutes or so, a woman came out, pulling her mask off.

“She’s still pretty tired, but you can sit with her if you want.” Blaine smiled at her and took a deep breath before going in. She smiled sleepily when she saw him.

“What time is it?”

“Why? Do you have somewhere to be?”

“Good point.”

“Weird day.” She nodded. “It was nice not being mad at you.”

“It was nice having you back. Holding your hand. I missed… your hands. I know I don’t have a right to miss anything, but I can’t help it. It’s weird, going from seeing you every other day to just… nothing.”

There was a long pause. Blaine wanted to scream ‘Well whose fault was that?’ but he held his tongue. It was pointless.

“You didn’t see his face, Becca, when I told him. Actually, I didn’t have to tell him. He knew. He took one look at me and he knew, because he’s seen that face before. He knew it was too good not to be taken away. His dad gave him that face when he was seven, and in a heartbeat he could read it on me and he collapsed. You don’t know what it’s like, to have to look at the one person you love more than anything and know how much pain they’re going to be in, and to be completely helpless. I sat there outside that hospital just holding him,” his voice cracked, his throat aching again. That pain hadn’t really left him all week. It was just a constant dull throb. He saw Becca close her eyes, tilting her head forwards as if the guilt was pressing on the back of her neck. “You’ve never had to do that to someone you love, Becca.” She hastily sucked a breath in; her voice was strangled and strained.

“Yes I have-”

“No. You chose to do it, Becca. You got your friend to lie to me, you lied to me. You didn’t have to do anything.” He hadn’t planned to do this. He was just going to sit and be polite and helpful, but the words kept pouring out.

“Blaine-”

“What? What can you possibly have to say to me? ‘See you in court’? Look, I’m sorry, I thought I could do this, I thought I could be near you again, but I can’t take it. It’s too much and I’m too tired.” He ran his hand from his forehead down to his eye to rub a tear away, down to his mouth as if he was trying to hold in everything he wanted to say to her. He stood up and walked to the door. His head was hanging low and his breathing was laboured, making it difficult even to stand up. He sluggishly grabbed at the handle, when he heard a sniff and a whimper.

“Blaine. Stop.” He stood still, not opening the door but not turning around either.

“What?” He didn’t snap. It was more of a sigh. He was too exhausted to be angry.

“Blaine, I- I want you to take him.”

That made him turn around.

“What did you say?”

She couldn’t look at him. She squeezed her eyes shut and wrung her hands anxiously.

“You and Kurt have to take him.”

“Becca, don’t mess with me-”

“I’m not. Blaine, believe me…” he let out a breath that was somewhere between a snort of derision and sigh of exasperation. He didn’t even need to ask how he was supposed to believe her now. She knew he was thinking it. “I thought if I could get away from you and Kurt that maybe I could forget. I wanted to start over with the baby and pretend to be normal, and I thought it was working. I was thinking about you less and less and it was almost getting easier, and it was good working here, and for some reason everybody just liked me because I was pregnant, and I just focused on that. I focused on him.

“But when I saw Kurt in that hallway, it all came back and smacked me in the face. I felt guilty and scared again, so I went into defence mode, and I hated myself even more than I did when I first left, and I hated that I’d made you hate me. You said that was just as bad right? You said you missed me as much as you missed him, and I’d lost both of you. And today when I had both of you with me again, holding my hands and smiling at me and I didn’t feel scared any more, I felt lighter. That’s when I realised I’d had this dull ache in my stomach since I moved. I’ve been weighed down by it. It’s been choking me.

“Blaine, I don’t know why I did what I did. All I know is… there’s no way I could look at that baby every day without seeing you. All I would ever see is your face when you thought he was gone, and I can’t… just… will you take him?”

Blaine’s breath hitched. He didn’t wipe the tear from his cheek. He walked back to the bed, slowly but firmly, and pulled her into a fierce hug. He wrapped himself around her, tucking her head under his, both of them shaking. She felt him nodding slightly as the tear ran from his face into her hair. He whispered ‘thank you, thank you, thank you,’ to her over and over as she curled up into his chest.

He finally pulled away to look at her face. She almost looked like the old Becca.

“Do you think you’re going to stay here?”

“Well, right now I don’t exactly have a choice.” He laughed. “No. I might go back to Boston, see my mom. I mean, if you can fix things with your dad-”

“Anything’s possible.” She nodded.

“I need to be somewhere else. I have to find a hospital where nobody thinks I have a kid. I’ll be OK. I’ve started over before; I’m pretty good at it. Just don’t hunt me down again.” He squeezed her hand. “You should go. Don’t want to keep your family waiting.” 

He sniffed and nodded, using his free hand to cup her cheek and reaching up to kiss her on the forehead. He held her there for at least half a minute, unable to tear himself away. They both knew this was it. They were never going back to how they used to be. No more dinner parties, no more drunken nights in together, no more inappropriate anatomy jokes or surgery horror stories, but even though she was the one who’d taken it away, she had just given him his family back. At least when she left before, he had some hope of seeing her again. He wished he could see her the way he used to, but she wasn’t his friend any more. At most, she was a kind stranger. That was easier than the woman who used to be something more.

“Thank you so much. For everything,” he whispered to her, resting his nose on her head. He might never get another chance to thank her for all she’d done for him before, for the times she’d held his hand, so he held hers one last time and walked away.

***

Kurt stood, staring at the baby, his head pressed against the glass. Alexander and Stephanie had just left, knowing they couldn’t convince him to move without Blaine. His arms were folded, and even though he wasn’t cold he was shivering. His eyes were heavy, but he couldn’t move. He’d never been so exhausted. The tension had been building in his shoulders, his back, and his legs all week, and now it was pressing down on him as he watched this child. He couldn’t bring himself to ask to pick him up. He didn’t want to touch him in case he fell any more in love with him and had to leave him here, even though he was already head over heels and all he wanted to do was feel those fingers wrapped around his and that tiny head against his cheek. He knew babies couldn’t focus that early, but he could’ve sworn he was looking back at him.

He felt hands press lightly against his waist, a chin on his shoulder and hot breath on his neck.

“We should probably go.”

Kurt took a deep breath in and out, fogging up the glass. It muffled his view of the baby, and was the only way he could bring himself to look away and turn to face Blaine. He took his hands.

“I know. Five more minutes?”

“Why?” Blaine grinned, “We’ve got the rest of our lives to stare at him.” Kurt’s jaw dropped, his eyes widened and he tightened his grip on Blaine’s hands. “Ow! You know you can’t hold him like that, right?” He barely finished his sentence before Kurt grabbed him, lifting him six inches off the ground. As soon as he put him down, before Blaine had even regained his balance, he put both hands on his face and kissed him, pouring all the tension into it as if the last nine months had been building up to it. Their lips parted, but their heads stayed connected as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“Really?” he whispered. Blaine nodded. Kurt tilted his head to look back at the baby, dragging Blaine’s head with him. They pulled apart, fingers still entwined, and crept in, scared of waking any of the other babies up. They went to stand either side of their son’s crib, looking back up at each other nervously before Kurt scooped him up, one hand supporting his head while his body was laid across his arm. He wriggled slowly and yawned, making Kurt and Blaine melt a little, and Kurt shifted him so the head was cradled in the crook of his elbow. Blaine walked around the crib to slide a hand under the baby’s head and bent down to kiss him, while his other hand found its natural place on Kurt’s arm. He straightened up again to look at him, his hand easing its way up to Kurt’s head to pull him down and kiss him on the head too.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, grinning and gently whispering ‘hi!’ to the baby with huge goofy smiles on their faces before a nurse walked in. She smiled as soon as she saw them.

“Well, don’t you look good together?” They smiled at each other then back down at the baby. “Don’t worry, she explained everything to me. I didn’t understand all of it, but I know he’s yours. I’m really sorry, but you can’t stay. It’s late.”

They both looked heartbroken for a second.

“Woah, it’s only for tonight. He’s doing so well, you can take him home tomorrow. But tonight you might want to go and get some sleep. Make the most of this fully trained babysitting service before this one’s keeping you up all night.”

“Are you kidding?” Blaine whispered, still not taking his eyes off the fingers wrapped around his thumb, “He’s been keeping us up for months.”

“I can only imagine. But we’ll take good care of him, and he’ll be waiting for you in the morning. If you come at nine, I’ll be on that desk ready to take care of all the paperwork so you can whisk him away. I’ll have to try not to miss those big blue eyes too much.” That made Blaine look up at Kurt’s eyes, which were still glued to the child in his arms. Exactly the same colour as the baby’s. And he thought he’d never get anyone pregnant. He turned back to the nurse.

“Five more minutes?” She laughed.

“Why do I get the feeling you’ll be saying that again in five minutes?”

She saw their pleading expressions and sighed.

“Fine. Five minutes. Maybe ten if you keep being so adorable. I’m a sucker, I know. Don’t take advantage of it. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She wandered off, pretending she had something to do even though it was silent. She wanted to give them some privacy; they’d obviously been through a lot recently.

“Blaine?”

“Mmm?”

“We need to buy baby stuff.”

“Yeah.”

“We need clean clothes.”

“Yep. Not that you don’t look great in scrubs.”

“Well, of course. You look like that Croatian guy from ER.”

“Except he was about ten feet tall.”

“True. Blaine.”

“Kurt.”

“We’re dads.”

“We are.”

“I like it.”

“Me too.”

They leaned forward and kissed, being careful not to squash the tiny thing in between them. They kept their faces close, noses and foreheads touching, their eyes closed, soaking up the moment they became a family.


	19. Chapter 19

Blaine fidgeted in his sleep. He dreamt that he was running. It was dark and he couldn’t tell where he was; he just knew there was something behind him. Something was after him, snapping at his heels. He had no idea what it was and that just made it ten times more terrifying. He looked down and realised the only source of light was the flashing at the sides of his feet. He was wearing the light-up Spiderman sneakers he’d had when he was six, which he’d rarely taken off. He looked at his hands and they were suddenly tiny, or maybe they’d been tiny the whole time. He couldn’t tell. He glanced back into the blackness, still unable to figure out what he was running from, only hearing it grunting and snarling, and he kept running and the flashes from his feet got fainter, and he was straining harder and harder to suck in each breath, his heart pounding, until he ran into something soft and warm. He threw his arms around the thing in front of him, hoping it would provide some, any kind of safety. After a few seconds of burying his face in the folds of soft fabric, he looked up to see Kurt smiling down on him. Blaine was hugging his legs.

“Kurt, I’m scared. It’s dark.” His voice was higher than it was supposed to be, but if he really was six it was probably about right.

“I know. But you don’t have to be any more. Not while I’m here.”

Kurt bent down to pick him up but as he lifted him, his legs stretched as if by magic and he became himself again, the grown up version, walking hand in hand with Kurt, their path delicately lit by moonlight. But that feeling of being safely wrapped up in strong arms lingered. He held on tight and breathed a sigh of relief as the growling faded away. He breathed deeply and easily, inhaling Kurt, the gentle, familiar, light smell of his hair and his neck, and he didn’t feel like running any more.

He slid back into consciousness, his face buried in the neck of the man looking at him worriedly. He could hear crying coming from the next room.

“Are you OK? You kept making these noises, like you were scared; were you having a bad dream?”

Blaine blinked hard, wiping the film of sweat from his brow and smiling dozily.

“Oh… yeah. At first. But it got better.” He reached up to plant a messy kiss on Kurt’s cheek, still half asleep. Kurt had obviously been awake for a while and he sat up, pulling the covers off, settled into the routine of waking up when the baby did. Blaine put a hand on his back. “Hey, let me. It’s my turn.”

“No, you should go back to sleep. Especially if that dream was just getting good.”

“Nope. This dream is much better anyway.” Kurt wanted to roll his eyes, but he just smiled and blinked sleepily. “You can go back to sleep and stop hogging the baby.” Kurt was too tired to put up a fight and flopped back down onto the bed, still smiling. Blaine kissed him on the head and slipped out of bed, wandering to the baby’s room without turning on the light. He’d memorised the journey so he wouldn’t have to wake Kurt up.

The baby stopped crying within seconds of being picked up, but kept squirming in Blaine’s arms. He rocked him gently, staring down at the light blue eyes that gazed back at him, somehow visible despite the darkness. He could tell he wasn’t hungry, and he didn’t need changing; he just seemed upset somehow. Blaine frowned for a second before he knew exactly what to do.

He kept rocking the baby gently with one arm as he scribbled a note to Kurt. He whispered to the baby as he padded back to the bedroom to place it next to Kurt’s head.

“Hey, grumpy. You see him? That’s your dad. We need to make sure he doesn’t worry about us while we go out, because if he woke up and we were both gone, he’d be really sad. Because he loves us so much, and we’ve gone through so much to get you. You make me look easy. He could get another me in a heartbeat, but not you. You’re perfect.”

He knew he was talking crap to someone who couldn’t speak yet; he knew he did it all the time and he knew Kurt would laugh if he saw him, but he didn’t care. He loved talking to him. Somehow it felt like he was listening, responding in thoughtful blinks and gurgles, and anyway, people who couldn’t talk were probably the perfect people to spout nonsense at. They couldn’t tell you to shut up.

Blaine stood for a second, looking from the baby to Kurt. He couldn’t have imagined two more perfect people if he’d tried. He leaned down carefully, holding the tiny body close to his chest, and pressed a kiss to Kurt’s cheek. He wrapped the baby up warm, pulled on his own coat and scarf and crept out, tickling the baby and pulling open-mouthed, wide-eyed faces at him as he did so.

He sat with the tiny, vulnerable lump in his arms, on their bench, under their tree, his legs crossed under him, acting as a perfect secondary cradle, as if his whole body was a thick blanket wrapped around the baby. He kept whispering to him, knowing nobody could hear. He would have kept whispering if the park had been heaving, but even in the middle of the day this spot always felt empty. Nothing outside their family mattered in that space.

“Hear that? That’s a nightingale. They only sing at night. It’s perfect, because there’s nothing there to drown them out. Right now there’s just you and me, the dew forming on the grass, the flowers sleeping, and the nightingales.” The baby looked up at him, seemingly uninterested, but Blaine decided that he just didn’t know how to express amazement yet. He blinked, his eyes full of the tears he hadn’t cried yet, and Blaine almost melted as he saw the moon reflecting in them. “The moon and the stars, too, you only see them at night. That’s why everything’s a different colour now, all silver and magical, and it’s just for us. Can you even see colours yet? It doesn’t matter; you will. There are millions of colours, animals, plants, pictures for you to see, and you’ve got your whole life to see them. I can’t wait.”

“Now who’s hogging the baby?”

Blaine turned to see Kurt, his long, slim, grey coat thrown on over his pyjamas. If it had been possible, Blaine’s smile would have widened.

“How did you know where we’d be?”

“Where else would you have gone? Anyway, there was a note.” He held out the note, which simply said ‘Daddy, I’m taking him to the park so he’ll settle down. Won’t be long; don’t worry. Lots of love, the baby x’. “At least one of you is responsible, even if he doesn’t have a name to sign with yet.”

“I nearly wrote Oliver. I still like it.”

“I like it too, but… I don’t know. So was there a reason you brought him here?”

“OK, this might sound weird, but I had a feeling it might have been the dark that was freaking him out. I just remembered being really scared of it when I was a kid.”

Kurt tilted his head and sat next to Blaine, snuggling up to him and staring down at the bundle in his lap.

“I didn’t know you were scared of the dark.”

“Well, I’m not any more-”

Kurt clutched more tightly at his arm, nuzzling into his shoulder.

“Hey, don’t worry. It’s adorable.”

“OK, well I was. Ever since I was little. I don’t think it really went away until I met you. I mean, moving to Dalton helped, obviously, but when you were there it felt like nothing could be that scary. Everything just seemed kind of… beautiful when you were in it. I didn’t want him to have to wait to find someone to show him how special this is. I thought maybe this way he could associate the night with happiness and family and us instead of being scared… and now that I’m saying it out loud, it sounds ridiculous-”

“Blaine, look at him.” He did. Kurt reached down to stroke the baby’s cheek with the back of his finger. His eyes were still sparkling, but instead of unshed tears they looked like they were full of stars. “I think it’s working.”

“I hope so.”

“Blaine, I’ve been thinking. About the name.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmm. I thought it would be really nice if we named him after somebody. Somebody special.”

“I think you’re forgetting. Oliver is someone special.” Kurt grinned.

“Of course, but what about someone closer? Someone who helped us get him in the first place. Someone who you’ve only got back because of him.” Blaine paused.

“Really?” Was he going where Blaine thought he was going? “Alex?”

“I know, everyone will think it’s because of Alexander McQueen, and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a factor… but what about it?”  
Blaine lifted the baby up. He was still too young to hold his own head up, but he seemed to be paying attention despite being nestled in his father’s arms.

“Well, what do you think? Alex. Alexander Anderson-Hummel.”

The baby blinked twice and his mouth opened, turning up at the corners.

“Blaine, is he-”

“I think so.”

“He’s never done that before.”

“Nope.”

“I think he likes it.”

“Well that settles him. If it can make him smile, who am I to argue? Right, Alex?” Alex opened and closed his mouth, making a cluster of bubbles. That seemed liked a definitive ‘yes’. “This feels very Lion King. It’s like I’m presenting him to all the other animals.” Kurt laughed.

“Blaine, there’s nobody else here.”

“There’s a squirrel over there. He looks excited for us.”

“I don’t think one squirrel makes you Mufasa.”

“You’re right,” he paused, “I’m Rafiki. Mufasa didn’t have hands, silly.” Kurt nudged him, but kept laughing.

“How about Alexander Oliver? It sounds noble. Strong.”

“Sounds brave.”

“Blaine, he’s ours. Of course he’s going to be brave.” There was another pause. “Blaine?”

“Yeah?” he asked, still mooning helplessly over the baby.

“I don’t want him to be… I just… I hope he doesn’t have to be brave.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want it to be different for him. There’s just so much… There’s too much to be scared of. What if he gets bullied? What if someone hurts him, or makes him feel bad for being himself, or breaks his heart? We’ve both been through enough of that without him having to face it too. I don’t want any of that for him.”

Blaine wanted to wrap an arm around him, but his hands were full. Instead, he kissed the top of the head that was leaning on his shoulder and rested his cheek against it.

“I know. I want it all to be easy for him, but he won’t need it to be. Look at you, Kurt. You’ve had it so much harder than most people, not even counting the last few months, but it’s made you who you are. If you hadn’t had to fight for so much and work so hard, you might not be the strong, amazing man I fell in love with. Isn’t it the hardest stuff that taught you the most?”

Kurt sniffed and nodded.

“I guess.”

“I know. I mean, the day after we found out what Becca had done, who jumped on top of me with an action plan? And looking back, what if you hadn’t been bullied? Maybe it would have been easier, but maybe you wouldn’t have transferred to Dalton. Maybe we wouldn’t be together.”

Kurt lifted his head up to look at Blaine. Both of their eyes were watering slightly, just as they’d stopped Alex from crying.

“I know it hurt at the time, but would you change it? I mean, if one part of that was different, maybe we wouldn’t have this. I think every moment, even the awful ones, they all led us here, and this moment right now? Nothing could make me give this up.”  
Kurt looked down at Alex. It already felt like that had always been his name. Kurt took his hand between his thumb and forefinger, still awestruck at how a person so tiny could mean so much to him, and he turned back to Blaine.

Without opening his mouth, he said ‘thank you’, ‘you’re right’ and ‘I love you’. They sat together in their spot, holding their baby, and kissed just as earnestly and softly as the first time, over ten years ago. They’d been a family since they could remember. Now it was just a bit bigger.


	20. Chapter 20

Kurt heard whispering just outside his office. He blitzed to the end of the scene he was writing, ready to be interrupted. He could do it better later; he always re-wrote obsessively anyway. He tried not to laugh as the scuffle outside got louder and he could hear giggles through the door.

“Just knock, of course he won’t mind.”

“But he’s working, he’ll be mad.”

“Who could be mad at this little face?” Kurt snorted as Alex squealed the way only Blaine could make him. He could practically see them both grinning, Blaine nuzzling his nose into Alex’s neck and picking him up as he rolled himself into a ball. It was an ingenious defence mechanism, but it was never quite enough, and he didn’t really want it to be. “Well, why don’t I knock, hmm? I’ll tell him it was you, and you’ll get in all kinds of trouble…”

“No! That’s not fair!” There were three quick bangs on the door and a ‘Noooo!’ from Alex.

“Who on Earth could that be?” 

He heard Alex whispering to Blaine, except he wasn’t very good at it, and it ended up being louder than his talking voice.

“See? He’s mad!” Blaine opened the door despite the little boy squirming under his arm. Kurt beamed at them, but when Alex looked up he switched to a frown.

“Alexander Oliver Anderson-Hummel! Are you trying to distract me from my important work?”

“No, it wasn’t me, Daddy knocked!” 

Blaine gasped theatrically.

“I would never! How could you say such a thing?” Alex shook his head at Kurt, his brow wrinkling with worry, and wriggled free from Blaine’s grasp. Kurt left his chair and swept him up, resting him on one hip and putting his forehead up against the tiny anxious one in front of him.

“Well that was very nice of Daddy, because I needed a break. In fact, I was just thinking that whoever knocked on my door would get a medal, or maybe even a hot chocolate in the park. Shame it wasn’t you.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed. He looked from Kurt to Blaine and back. He knew lying was bad, but did it count when it was just covering for someone else? Surely anything that meant he got a hot chocolate couldn’t be bad? He took a deep breath before letting his face fall slightly.

“It was Daddy.” He looked up at Kurt again, his eyes and mouth widening into a smile and the gap where his tooth had fallen out a few days earlier exposing itself. Kurt was mystified as to how he had Blaine’s goofy grin even though biologically he was his father, but he remembered Biology had never been that important to them. Blaine’s smile had always been contagious. “But maybe, maybe I could go and knock too? Then we could all have one?”

“Good plan! Quick, let’s go outside again, and this time you can knock!” Before Kurt could say anything, they’d both dashed out again and closed the door. He heard three more knocks, this time much quieter but just as excited.

“Who could possibly be knocking at my door? What’s the password?”

“Dad! It’s me!”

“I don’t know anyone called ‘Me’. I’m gonna need the password or I’ll think you’re a traitor come to steal all my work.”

“But I don’t know the… What?” Kurt heard more whispering. “Marshmallows!”

He opened the door.

“That’s cheating, Blaine.” Blaine grinned and kissed Kurt on the nose before picking Alex up.

“I know. Come on, let’s go.”

***

“Alex, keep your scarf on!”

“But it’s itchy!”

“It’s January, it stays on. I don’t want your neck to freeze.” Alex breathed out an exaggerated sigh, swinging his arms and pulling on his fathers’ hands so he was lifted off the ground for a second. They heard him gasp suddenly, and he pulled on each hand in turn.

“Daddy, Daddy, look! That lady’s got a baby! Look how small it is!”

“Not like you, huh?”

“Duh. I’m big.” 

Blaine laughed.

“Of course. Silly me…” he stopped in his tracks, looking up to see where Alex was pointing. He looked at Kurt, who’d frozen too. Alex looked up at both of them in confusion. He wriggled free and started running towards the woman. Blaine snapped out of his daze and into Dad mode.

“Alex, come back!” She looked up from the boy running towards her to the man yelling at him, and she stopped pushing the stroller as Alex peered in.

“Is that your baby? She’s really small. I’m Alex.” Blaine caught up with him, taking his hand, followed quickly by Kurt. The woman looked at them both for a second, then back to the little boy.

“Hi, Alex. Nice to meet you. My name’s Becca. And this is Matilda.”

“Hi, Matilda. Can she talk?”

“Not yet; she mostly just sleeps. Nothing very exciting. But usually if she’s around strangers she starts crying – I guess she must like you.”

Alex looked up at Becca excitedly, his mouth wide open.

“Really?”

Becca nodded, unable to speak. She gripped firmly to the handles of the stroller, blinking hard so he wouldn’t see she was upset. She tore her glance away from him, and looked up and Kurt and Blaine, who had frozen as well. Blaine already had tears in his eyes, and he didn’t blink fast enough to stop them.

“Daddy, did you hear that? She likes me! Daddy, can I- Daddy?” He looked up at Blaine, who had a tear rolling down his cheek. He felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Just when he’d been able to forget everything, when he was happy focusing on what they had and not how they’d got there, one look at Becca and it was five years ago all over again. Alex walked over to him and tugged on his hand. He’d never seen his father cry before. This was alien territory; Dads were supposed to be strong and brave and happy, not sad. “Daddy?” He tugged gently on Blaine’s hand. He may have only been four, but he knew that if Blaine was crying, something must have been really wrong, and he knew that if he had his little hand to wrap his own around, maybe he’d feel better. It seemed to work, as Blaine let out a strained laugh and gave Alex’s hand a tight squeeze. “Daddy, are you OK?”

“Sure,” he said through a smile that was forced until he looked straight into the blue eyes staring worriedly at him. He remembered that no matter what, this was his son, his little boy who didn’t want him to be upset. “I’m fine, baby, I just… I haven’t seen Becca in a long time.”  
Alex wrinkled his nose in confusion.

“What? Is she your friend?”

Kurt stepped in, seeing Blaine was in no fit state to explain anything. He knelt beside Alex, putting a comforting hand on his back so he would know nothing was wrong.

“Yeah, we used to see each other all the time, before we had you. Hey, you know what? Why don’t we go and get those hot chocolates?”  
Alex kept frowning. He looked at his shell-shocked father, the woman he was staring at and the baby in front of her.

“But Daddy, what about the baby? And…” he leaned in to whisper in Kurt’s ear, in a shouty kind of way, “What about Dad? Is he OK?” The three adults couldn’t help smiling softly at him, but they managed not to laugh. Kurt took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

“I promise Daddy is gonna be fine. You know what I think will definitely make him feel better?”

Alex gave an exaggerated, serious nod.

“Marshmallows.”

Kurt grinned at him, and he grinned back.

“Come on; let’s give these two a minute.” He lifted the little boy up and placed him on his shoulders. “Woah! This is difficult now that you’re so big!”

“No, I’m not that big, I swear! I’ll stop growing, I promise!”

Alex automatically linked his hands on top of Kurt’s head, and Kurt patted the tiny knee next to his ear before stroking Blaine’s arm. He looked over to Becca and nodded toward the stroller.

“She’s beautiful. It’s really good to see you again, Becca.” She smiled and nodded. He didn’t call her Rebecca.

“You too, Kurt.” Kurt kissed Blaine on the cheek, bobbing down so Alex could do the same. Blaine brushed the floppy hair out of his son’s eyes and grinned at him.

“I’ll see you in a second, baby. Make sure I get extra cream, OK?” Alex nodded solemnly, accepting his mission and they made their way to the stall, leaving Blaine alone with Becca.

“So…”

“Yeah.”

“She’s gorgeous. She looks just like you.”

“Thanks. She’s got her dad’s nose, though.”

“Is he-”

“He’s working.”

“Right. Are you marr- obviously, it doesn’t matter, I just-“ 

“No. Not everyone is as conventional as you guys. We’re engaged, but we postponed it when I got pregnant. I refuse to have a shotgun wedding. His name’s Daniel. You’d like him.”

“I’m sure I would. Your taste in men can’t have gotten any worse.” She snorted. “How old is she?”

“Ten weeks.” They started making their way towards a table. She wanted to link arms with him, he wanted to put a hand on her waist, but it was still so strange.

“Wow. How long have you been back in the city?”

“About six months? It has a habit of dragging you back.” Blaine nodded. He knew exactly what she meant. “I tried to make it work in Boston, but Mom obviously drove me insane, and I tried Chicago and Seattle – I don’t know, must’ve been some kind of hospital drama fantasy – but then I met Daniel. It wasn’t dramatic or anything; I just felt totally comfortable. Being with him feels like home. I hadn’t felt at home since I left the first time. Since I’d been here with you two. Then we found out about Maddie, and I honestly couldn’t imagine bringing her up anywhere else. I could never really call another place home.”

Blaine just nodded again. He didn’t have to say anything. They’d both had too much fun in this city to live anywhere else.

“You seem happy.”

“I am. I’m really happy. What about you? I didn’t see the name coming, I have to admit.”

Blaine laughed.

“It was actually Kurt’s idea. I like it, though.”

She nodded.

“It fits. It suits him. He’s the spitting image of Kurt. The eyes and the smile… I always thought he’d look a little like me, but there’s nothing. I guess that’s for the best.”

“You can’t see it until he laughs. Sometimes I pull a weird face at him just so I can see you again for a second. Is that weird?”

“Yes. You’re weird.”

He laughed again, getting less inhibited each time.

“OK, OK,” he gazed at the baby, who’d woken up at the sound of unfamiliar voices, but wasn’t crying. She was just staring up at the stranger in front of her. “May I?”

“Sure. I carried yours for eight months; it’s the least you can do.” Blaine grinned at her. Anyone else in the same situation would’ve been on eggshells, but they couldn’t help being comfortable around each other, even though they probably weren’t supposed to be. He scooped the baby up expertly, having missed the feeling of holding something so tiny and soft. He’d been dropping hints to Kurt for months about having another one, but so far he’d been reluctant. After everything they’d gone through before, Blaine could understand his hesitation.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he cooed at her. Without him knowing, his eyes and mouth had widened and he was just making one strange face after another. All at once, he felt like that mischievous twenty-year-old laughing at his friend’s inappropriate jokes and a father, so at ease holding something so delicate and already getting nostalgic for when Alex was this small. He let her hand clamp onto his little finger. He smiled at the soft gurgling noises she made. 

“Matilda, huh? I bet I know where that came from.”

She laughed.

“Fine, make fun. I know I’m not exactly Miss Honey, but I like it.”

“It’s adorable. You’re adorable, aren’t you, Maddie?” He tickled her and she giggled, bubbles forming on her lips. “What about work? Are you back at Beth Israel?”

“No… they knew too much. It would’ve been weird. I’m at Presbyterian – transplants, mostly. ER stuff started freaking me out. Too many people didn’t make it. This isn’t as exciting, but I actually prefer it. It doesn’t hurt that there’s more money, and my maternity leave is insane. I get to hang out with her all day, it’s cool.” She smiled at Blaine, looking like a seasoned professional with the baby. “I hate that I missed this.”

He looked up at her.

“Missed what?”

“When he was little. I wish I’d gotten to see you two with a baby, all fluffy and perfect and smiling.”

“I don’t know about perfect. We were exhausted and covered in puke.”

“But I bet you were smiling.”

Blaine was smiling now. He nodded, blushing slightly.

“You know it was your decision – not seeing us anymore. I missed you too. I didn’t get to see you falling in love, and I’d been wondering what that would look like for years. I always hoped maybe we could… I’m sure we could’ve found a way…”

“Blaine, do you really think you could have looked at me the same way? I know I can’t. I think that’s why I kept moving – I wanted to get away from the person I saw in the mirror. I wanted to get her out of my head and forget what she’d done, but it’s still following me around. I had enough judgement from myself without seeing you as well. I know you would have tried, Blaine, but I think a part of you would have had a panic attack every time I looked at Alex. What I always loved about being with you two was feeling like a student again. I could be that obnoxious teenager I used to be, but I would have just felt guilty. Daniel didn’t know that side of me, but he didn’t know the worse side either. I told him; I had to explain how I knew I was pregnant, how I knew the feeling. I told him the whole ridiculous story and how badly I wanted to leave that behind and he was surprised, but he was fine. He actually jokes about it; I think that’s how I know it’s gonna work between us. He’s almost as inappropriate as I am.”

“Wow,” Blaine turned to see Kurt standing behind him holding four enormous cups on a tray in one hand and an impatient little boy squirming in the other, “I find that hard to believe.”

“OK, we’re here, now can I have it?”

“Sit down first; I don’t want you to spill it trying to climb up.”

“I won’t!”

“But if you do, it’ll be hot and sticky and gross…”

“Fine,” Alex conceded, rolling his eyes as if Everest was standing in between him and the mound of whipped cream, clambering up next to Blaine, pulling on his arm so he could get up faster, and Blaine instinctively lifted him up. Safely tucked in beside one father’s warm, steady arm, he turned to the other with wide, pleading eyes, “See? I’m up. Daddy won’t let me spill it.”

“Good point. He’ll probably just drink it himself.”

Alex edged away from Blaine, strategically placing his arm between him and the cup Kurt put in front of him.

“Well, that depends. Does mine have extra cream? And marshmallows?”

“Blaine, I’m surprised they managed to fit any water in there.”

Blaine grinned.

“Then it looks like you’re safe.”

Alex continued to eye him suspiciously but nestled back next to him. 

“Dad,” he shout-whispered, “Are you OK now? You’re not crying anymore?”

Blaine stroked his hair and kissed him on the top of his head.

“I’m fine, baby. Everything’s fine because I’ve got you, you fidgety little munchkin.”

Alex laughed and tried to pick up his drink, but Kurt pushed it back onto the table without even looking.

“Too hot, honey.”

He took a deep breath and chewed his lip, remembering the countless times he’d scalded his tongue and knowing his dad was right, but that didn’t make it any easier to have to stare at it. He sat on his hands and kicked his feet together. Blaine distracted him with the baby.  
Kurt took a seat next to Becca. He’d imagined running into her again, but it had always terrified him. He thought it would be awkward and quiet and that they’d all want to run away, but it almost felt like they’d planned to meet up. Maybe she wasn’t the woman sitting in their kitchen, shouting and swearing and drinking, but at least she wasn’t the one ripping them apart. She was someone new. He realised they must have changed too. He looked at Blaine. Yes, he still had that huge grin and the laugh and the voice and the eyebrows that could show more emotion than some people could with their whole bodies, but he looked different. It was the kind of change that nobody else would notice, and he only realised it now that he was looking for it. There were lines in the corners of his eyes and mouth; his stubble was a little rougher, his hands a little harder. They were signs, remnants from years of smiling and laughing and trying to teach Alex new words and miming chewing at him to persuade him to eat broccoli until he just ate it himself. That was when the two-year-old Alex started trying to treat his father like a dog under the table, feeding him everything he didn’t want and skipping straight to the ice cream. Kurt caught on and put a stop to it, but let Blaine think he was the one doing the disciplining. 

The callouses on his fingers reminded Kurt of the time when Alex was about six months old, and he got home late and found Blaine asleep in the baby’s room, slumped in the armchair with his guitar on his chest and an arm draped over it, as if he was still trying to play. The light was still on, and Alex was still awake. He sat quietly in his crib and looked up at Kurt as if to say ‘Poor thing couldn’t keep his eyes open. Didn’t have the heart to wake him.’ He laid the guitar on the floor then hauled him, still half asleep, into their bedroom and lowered him onto the bed, kissing his temple, then went back to the baby, who seemed to be waiting for him.

He picked him up, holding his tiny body against his chest and feeling soft hair on his cheek and a small head resting on his shoulder. He started humming and it immediately made Alex soften; it was so comforting, so gentle. He rocked him slowly, swaying from left to right and closing his eyes to feel the tiny, steady heartbeat on his skin. Kurt rubbed his hand across the baby’s back, feeling the bones that were barely solid, growing so quickly, and as Alex stretched and yawned in his ear his hums grew into words.

He heard the door creak behind him and turned to see Blaine, raking a hand through his hair. Somehow it was a tangled heap after two minutes in bed.

“Blaine,” he whispered, “go back to bed. You’re exhausted.”

“But you’re singing.” He smiled and kissed Kurt in that slow, lingering way he always did when he sang, because his voice hit a sensitive spot in his brain that made it difficult to function normally and he couldn’t help himself. He laid his hand on top of Kurt’s, entwining their fingers so that their palms both rose and fell with Alex’s breathing, and wrapped his other arm around his waist. He kissed the baby’s hair gently before resting his forehead against Kurt’s. They both closed their eyes and kept swaying slightly, perfectly in sync, and Kurt started singing again. After a few lines, Blaine joined in.

They both kept their eyes closed, their voices melting into each other’s mouths, and Kurt found a perfect harmony without even trying. They didn’t know if they were getting the words right, but they kept singing so quietly that it was almost a whisper. Even long after Alex fell asleep, they held him between them, his muffled sighs tickling Kurt’s neck. He put him to bed, but they stayed in his room. They could have screamed and he wouldn’t have woken up. Their voices were familiar to him, and they made him feel safe. They kept holding each other, dancing to music that wasn’t there, taking turns humming and whispering and stifling laughs, until it started to get light. Their bodies didn’t part for hours, pressed tightly together, Kurt’s arms around Blaine’s neck, Blaine’s chin resting on Kurt’s shoulder so he could nuzzle into his hair and smell him, and his arms wrapped firmly around his waist, grounding him, reminding him that it wasn’t just some perfect fantasy.

Kurt snapped out of his daze. For a long time he’d thought of that memory as his favourite. He’d never felt so content – no, blissful. Looking at Blaine and Alex, both grinning and laughing and looking at Maddie in sheer amazement, he started to think that maybe another one wouldn’t be such a bad idea, (‘on one condition, Blaine: this time we adopt’), but he also realised that every single memory was his favourite. Even the early mornings when Alex wouldn’t stop crying, even when he and Blaine had argued about whose turn it was to get up and feed him, even when they had to rush him into hospital because they thought he had appendicitis but it turned out he’d just eaten too much too quickly and he threw up on the face of the patronizing doctor who was checking him out – in fact, that was a highlight – he wouldn’t change a second of it. And that included how they got there. It included Becca.

He felt a hand on his wrist. She was smiling at him as he was smiling at them, and she leaned on his shoulder.

“She really is cute, Becca. You’re so lucky.”

“So are you, Kurt.”

She was right. He was.

“We’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

“Do you think maybe… maybe you’d want to come to dinner?”


End file.
